How to Cultivate Self-Leadership

In this in-depth guide, we’ll explore what self-leadership is and why it’s so rare.

Then, we’ll examine how you can cultivate ever-increasing levels of self-leadership through daily practices.

This guide includes:

  • 10 Self-Leadership Skills
  • 5 Pillars of Emotional Intelligence
  • 8 C’s of Self-Leadership
  • 6 Additional Qualities of Self-Leadership
  • How to Return Home to the Self

Let’s dive in …

What is Self-Leadership?

Psychologist Daniel Goleman points out in his bestseller Emotional Intelligence,1Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, 1995.

“Exceptional leaders distinguish themselves because of superior self-leadership.”

So what is self-leadership? While leadership focuses on how one influences others, self-leadership is about observing, understanding, and managing oneself.

Self-leadership is integrally linked to one’s level of emotional intelligence and intrapersonal intelligence. It requires qualities like self-awareness, self-honesty, self-knowledge, self-regulation, self-motivation, and self-discipline.

Self-Leadership Directs Authority Back Towards Oneself

Effective self-leadership is an aspect of mature adulthood. Research in developmental psychology shows that mature adulthood is strikingly rare.

According to various development models, less than three percent of people reach true psychological maturity, often referred to as integration.2Susanne Cook-Greuter. “Ego Development: A Full-Spectrum Theory Of Vertical Growth And Meaning Making.” (Yes, less than 3!)

Before reaching psychological maturity, we tend to project authority onto other people, groups, and institutions. We look outside of ourselves to determine our beliefs, values, moral codes of conduct, feelings, and behaviors.

As we move toward integration, our sense of authority gets directed inward. As a consequence, we become more responsible for our thoughts, actions, feelings, impulses, and behaviors.

As this process unfolds, we are less driven by external forces. For example, instead of being ruled by the need to belong (external motivation), we become more self-directed and autonomous (internal motivation).

10 Self-Leadership Skills

Self-leadership skills are identical to intrapersonal skills. They include:

  1. Self-observation
  2. Self-awareness
  3. Self-regulation
  4. Self-disciple
  5. Internal motivation
  6. Focus and concentration
  7. Time management
  8. Emotional resilience
  9. Self-Reflection
  10. Introspection

Self-leadership skills enable us to:

  • Become more aware of ourselves
  • Understand our true feelings
  • Regulate our impulses
  • Manage our expectations
  • Navigate through internal resistance
  • Overcome setbacks and failures
  • Learn from our mistakes
  • Make positive adjustments to our behavior

Ultimately, in cultivating self-leadership skills, we’re increasing our self-knowledge and moving toward self-mastery.

Five Pillars of Emotional Intelligence

Self-leadership is closely related to emotional intelligence. That is, they share many of the same qualities.

In his bestselling book and subsequent articles in Harvard Business Review, psychologist Daniel Goleman highlights five characteristics of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.3Daniel Goleman, “What Makes a Leader?” Harvard Business Review, 2004.

emotional intelligence self-leadership

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation for both emotional intelligence and self-leadership.

All the other characteristics of emotional intelligence hinge on this one. Our capacity for self-awareness determines our self-leadership potential.

Self-awareness is recognizing and understanding our moods, emotions, thoughts, drives, impulses, and behaviors.

With self-awareness, you can observe when a situation, thought, or person triggers you. You can make a realistic assessment of your current emotional state and the drivers behind your behavior.

Seriousness or a rigid view of oneself blocks an accurate self-assessment. Goleman finds those with greater self-awareness have a self-deprecating sense of humor. To see yourself clearly—including the often irrational reactions you have in situations—requires light-heartedness.

Self-awareness is a vital skill. We’ll discuss ways of developing this skill below.

Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to manage or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. It relates to the common phrase, “think before you act.”

Those who can regulate their emotions have greater self-honesty, which makes them trustworthy.

Self-regulation doesn’t mean suppressing or repressing our emotions. While sometimes we do need to suppress our initial emotional response in a situation, ultimately, we need to work with our emotional landscape so our feelings don’t negatively influence our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors.

Self-regulation means being flexible, open to change, and comfortable with ambiguity. Being okay with ambiguity is another defining characteristic of psychological maturity.

Internal Motivation

Motivation is the ability to work for reasons beyond money or status—and to pursue goals with internal energy and persistence.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow invested much of his career studying intrinsic motivation. He found that most people are predominantly focused on meeting their basic human needs like physiological, security, belonging, and self-esteem needs.

These basic needs are what Maslow called deficiency needs.4Abraham Maslow, Toward a Psychology of Being, 1961. That is, when we don’t feel like these needs are met within ourselves, we become neurotic. All of these basic needs—for example, for more material possessions and seeking the approval of others—are driven by external motivations.

Self-actualizing people, in contrast, are internally motivated. Not only is this a sign of self-leadership, it’s a fundamental aspect of positive mental health.

According to Maslow, self-actualizing individuals show a commitment to actualizing their potential, including various skills, capacities, and talents. In self-determination theory, this drive is called competence.5Deci EL, Ryan RM. A motivational approach to self: integration in personality. Nebr Symp Motiv. 1990;38:237-88. PMID: 2130258. Author Dan Pink referred to it as mastery.6Daniel Pink, Drive, 2011.

Self-actualizing individuals often feel a sense of mission, calling, or destiny. Pink calls it a sense of purpose.

When our locus of control is within ourselves, it’s easier to stay level-headed, even in the face of major setbacks or failure.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to accurately perceive the emotional reactions of others and respond accordingly with understanding.

This quality requires a close connection to one’s feelings. We can only understand the emotional reactions of others by knowing our reactions and triggers. We all come hard-wired with the same emotions, but our triggers vary.

The more we’re able to stay present with and understand our emotional landscape, the larger our capacity for empathy for others.

Social Skill

Social skill is the ability to find common ground, build rapport, and manage relationships. With social skills, a person can influence and persuade others, lead them toward change, and foster high-performing teams.

With this pillar of emotional intelligence, we cross the bridge from self-leadership to leading others.

As in all other lines of intelligence, we can learn, develop, and grow our emotional intelligence and improve our self-leadership skills.

What is the “Self” in Self-Leadership?

Psychologist Richard Schwartz is the founder of The Center for Self-Leadership (now called IFS Institute). While working with patients, Schwartz developed a concept of the “Self” that’s different from the rest of mainstream psychology.

“Self,” in this context, doesn’t just mean our sense of self or ego. Instead, Schwartz refers to our true Self (capital “S”) as an organizing principle within us. This Self already possesses all the qualities we seek to develop or integrate to become a mature adult, including confidence, openness, and compassion.

IFS psychologist Jay Earley explains in Self-Therapy:7Jay Earley, Self-Therapy, 2012.

We all have a core part of us that is our true Self, our spiritual center. When our extreme parts are not activated and in the way, this is who we are. The Self is relaxed, open, and accepting of yourself and others. When you are in Self, you are grounded, centered, and non-reactive. You don’t get triggered by what people do. You remain calm and unruffled, even in difficult circumstances … When you are in Self, you come from a depth of compassion, enabling you to be loving and caring toward others as well as yourself and your parts. The Self is like the sun—it just shines.

Earley highlights the qualities of the Self discussed in both Western integrative therapies like Jungian psychology and Eastern spiritual traditions: relaxed, open, curious, compassionate, calm, centered, and grounded.

The ultimate goal of self-leadership is to navigate through our various parts, tendencies, and prior conditioning so our Self can shine forth.

The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership

Schwartz’s IFS Institute developed what they call the “8 C’s of Self-Leadership Wheel” to help assess your current level of centeredness with one’s Self.

Calmness

When you’re in the Center, there’s an internal calmness regardless of your external circumstances. With this calmness, you’re able to manage challenging life situations in less automatic (preconditioned) and extreme ways.

Clarity

Clarity is another hallmark quality of being rooted in the Self. Clarity gives us the ability to pierce through distortions (delusions) from extreme beliefs, emotions, and preconditioning to perceive situations accurately. It provides greater objectivity because we become aware of our personal biases without being influenced by them.

Curiosity

Layers upon layers of conditioned programming, beliefs, biases, and self-identities create a false image of ourselves (ego construct). We are none of these things. Curiosity helps us inquire into our true nature. With curiosity, we can learn about ourselves and others without judgment. Here, criticalness gives way to a sense of wonder, a quality Maslow observed in self-actualizing individuals.

Compassion

Compassion allows us to appreciate others and ourselves without feeling the need to fix, change, or judge anything. Compassion breeds a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. In a state of compassion, we are more connected to our shared level of suffering—what the Buddhists call Samsara. Self-compassion is a necessary ingredient for long-term, healthy development. Many of us approach change with self-criticism, which ensures we never change. When we have compassion for ourselves, we can learn and grow with understanding, kindness, and self-acceptance.

Confidence

Self-confidence gives us the ability to handle what life throws at us. Confidence comes after having worked through previous traumas, setbacks, and failures. It’s not about being right or how others perceive you (projecting a false sense of confidence). With authentic confidence, you’re not afraid to make mistakes because you’re “comfortable within your skin.”

Courage

Courage enables us to take responsibility for our actions and make amends when we make mistakes. It gives us the strength to face external challenges and threats. With courage, we can take action toward our goals that might seem too bold and overwhelming to others. Courage is a vital quality for doing inner work, facing our shadow, and embracing one’s hero’s journey to adulthood.

Creativity

In the Center, we have access to our innate creative potential. We can use our imagination to generate ideas and solve problems. In the Self, we frequently access peak experiences (flow states) where we become fully absorbed in what we’re doing, accompanied by feelings of enjoyment, spontaneity, and inner freedom.

Connectedness

The quality of the Self is universal, so the more you’re rooted within the Self, the more connected you feel to others whether it’s your partner, a project team, a community, or an organization. In this connected state, you can relax your ego defenses and your need to control others. This sense of connectedness allows you to navigate through life circumstances in a more intuitive, free-flowing manner.

How to Use the Self-Leadership Wheel

self leadership
The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership Wheel

The Foundation for Self-Leadership provides a simple assessment tool called the Self-Leadership Wheel that you can use to evaluate how much “Self” you have available to you right now. You can download it here.

You go through each of the eight “C’s” above and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 represents little or no access to the Self while 5 is a high level of Self-presence.

6 Additional Qualities of Self-Leadership

Here are a few other attributes of self-leadership that aren’t represented in the 8 C’s:

Self-honesty

Self-honesty, also called integrity, is much easier to talk (and write) about than to practice. The mind has an unlimited ability for self-deception. To peel away the layers that block the Self requires honesty. It takes integrity to observe our behaviors, underlying motivations, and true intentions without filters or judgment.

Accountability

Being responsible for our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and actions is a hallmark quality of psychological maturity that arises from the Self. Without accountability, no growth can occur.

Self-discipline

Self-discipline helps us manage our mental and emotional state. Self-discipline isn’t just about managing impulse control; it’s the ability to follow through on important tasks and practices. A strong personal will is also one of the two qualities researcher Jim Collins identified in outperforming leaders.8Jim Collins, Level 5 Leadership: The Triumph of Humility and Fierce Resolve. Harvard Business Review, 2005.

Humility

As our emotional intelligence grows, we become conscious of the tensions, oppositions, and ambiguities within us. Over time, observing these tensions breeds humility. We don’t always know the answers. We aren’t always in control. We often make mistakes due to our ignorance and prior conditioning. Humility is the other quality Collins found in his research on “Level 5 Leadership.”9Ibid.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness, here, doesn’t mean being ambitious or a “go-getter.” Assertiveness is found in between aggressiveness and passivity. Subconsciously, we often behave either as bullies (aggressive) or weaklings (passive). Neither of these behavioral patterns supports self-leadership. When we’re assertive, we stand up for ourselves without ego defensiveness or going to extremes. We can know what we want while still being mindful of other’s needs.

Inner Faith

With self-leadership, we place authority within ourselves instead of putting it in another person, concept, or institution. This transition requires us to trust our Inner Guide and have faith it will direct us in supportive ways.

Returning Home to the Self

While this concept of the Higher Self is relatively new to Western psychology, it’s been a foundational principle in Eastern practices for millennia.

As such, for those genuinely interested in cultivating self-leadership, it’s instructive to take a “transpersonal” approach that combines Western and Eastern insights, practices, and methods.

Once you become more acquainted with the Self, for example by using the Self-Leadership Wheel above, you’ll likely come to two stark realizations:

  1. You aren’t frequently connected to the Self, and
  2. The experience of the Self is fleeting.

That is, even if you become more centered in the Self, that experience doesn’t last very long. In the language of the Eastern traditions, this means we lack stabilization.

In lacking stabilization, we are out of the Center …

inner work

Self-Leadership Starts from the Center

The Center is a fundamental principle in Eastern philosophy, especially in Taoism. In the Complete Reality School of Taoism, they offer the analogy of the host and the guests.

The psyche represents your house. The house is inhabited by lots of guests. In the language of Schwartz’s IFS, these guests are called parts. Jung referred to them as archetypes.

These guests, parts, or archetypes are semi-autonomous subpersonalities within our psyche. Whenever any of these guests are in control, we are “out of the Center.”

The host is the Self. In Taoism, it’s also called the Original Spirit. The qualities of the Self highlighted in the traditions include being calm, clear, alert, active, and neutral. Neutrality is considered the guidepost of the Center.

The Self is neutral so it doesn’t get triggered; it doesn’t judge. The Self is clear and empty so it doesn’t expend energy on thoughts and feelings (as the guests do).

The Self is in the Center of the psyche. Buddhist mandalic artwork (like the one featured above) is symbolic of this principle.

The host’s role is to keep order in the house (psyche), but in most cases, the house has been overrun by unruly guests.

To cultivate self-leadership, we must return to the Center, bringing the host back in to establish order thereby freeing us from the chaotic influences of the guests (parts).

How to Strengthen Self-Leadership Skills

How to begin stabilizing in the Center?

First, it’s important to understand why we often lose our connection to the Self—why most of us tend to live “out of Center.”

The primary reason is also why most of us lack emotional awareness: trauma.

As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk explains in his bestseller The Body Keeps The Score, trauma from childhood is stored in the body. For this reason, it’s important to address repressed emotions from past trauma.

In the Eastern arts, this trauma is referred to as stagnation and energetic blockage. Once this energetic blockage occurs, we lose connection to the Self.

With this understanding, we can take an integrated approach to cultivating self-leadership.

An Integrated Approach to Self-Leadership

An integrated approach to self-leadership must address multiple dimensions or lines of development within one’s practices.

For example, just using mental techniques without addressing the physical body will produce limited results over time.

Instead, we want to address our body, mind, emotions, and spirit—the totality of our psyche—to build a stronger bridge to the Self.

Since this website is heavily focused on self-leadership, in the remainder of this guide, I’ll direct you to other guides that address different dimensions of self-leadership training.

I’ve grouped a series of related guides into two modules:

  1. Body-Mind Practices
  2. Depth Practices

Let’s start with body-mind practices …

Module 1: Body-Mind Practices

The first key is to bring our awareness into our bodies. The more connected we are to our body, the more natural self-leadership becomes.

All of these various methods will help improve mental clarity, energy, emotional resilience, focus, and calmness.

How to release repressed emotions

As addressed above, understanding the nature of repressed emotions and learning to address them is essential for true self-leadership.

How to tune the breath

If you follow the principles for proper breathing without using any force, it brings you closer to the Self.

How to center yourself

You can test out 15 different techniques to move you to become more centered.

How to ground yourself

This guide provides many powerful techniques for grounding yourself in your body and on the Earth.

How to stand using Zhan Zhuang

This is a more advanced body-mind integration method. It’s highly effective and provides lasting benefits.

How to do observational sitting meditation

This in-depth meditation manual provides a host of “secrets” to improve your mind-training efforts.

How to build emotional awareness

This guide covers a lot of similar content as this one but with an emphasis on managing one’s emotional landscape.

Module 2: Depth Practices

Getting rooted and centered in our body sets the foundation for the second part of cultivating self-leadership.

Here, we enter a dialogue with the various parts of our psyche. The purpose of these methods is to bring the unconscious material in our psyche into consciousness. Or, as Jung often put it, to build more consciousness.

How to get to know and integrate your shadow

The shadow is all the parts of ourselves that we cut off from our awareness in the course of our development. The primary reason people fail to develop self-leadership skills is they remain unconscious of their shadow.

How to work with archetypes

This is part 1 of a two-part series. This guide provides you with a more comprehensive understanding of what archetypes are, including “parts” from Schwartz’s IFS model.

How to use active imagination

This is part 2 of the series on how to use Jung’s active imagination process to dialogue with the archetypes or subpersonalities in your psyche. It also highlights three other methods for inner dialogue, including IFS’s model for working with “parts.”

Recap: The Path of Self-Leadership

Self-leadership requires a combination of qualities like self-awareness, self-regulation, and internal motivation.

Similar to emotional intelligence, self-leadership requires us to observe and regulate our thoughts, emotions, impulses, moods, and behaviors.

The primary key to self-leadership is developing self-awareness. Self-awareness allows you to monitor your internal terrain. With it, you become aware of when you’re connected to the Self and when you’re not. Self-monitoring provides internal feedback that enables you to adjust and make corrections as necessary.

Self-leadership is challenging because we have a host of characters called parts or archetypes within our psyche. Instead of just a singular mind, think of it as having “multiple minds.”

The Self is a quality of consciousness within the center of our psyche—it’s an organizing principle that can bring harmony to the many, diverging parts within us.

The more we move toward the Center, the more natural self-leadership becomes.

Self-leadership skills are cultivated through various practices and methods. Taking an integrated approach that combines Western psychology with Eastern practices yields lasting results.

The practices and resources in this guide can help you cultivate self-leadership and move closer to one’s Self.


Awaken Your Mind with a Digital App?

Okay, so what I’m going to share with you now may sound like science fiction.

Eric Thompson is the founder of Subtle Energy Sciences. Using quantum resonance technology, Eric engineered a method of encoding digital images and sound files with specific energy signatures. The result is what he calls Digital Mandalas, which combine beautiful digital art with layers of various energy-related sound technology.

This digital media program broadcasts the amplified energetic signature of what’s called “Awaken the Mind.” The brainwave pattern featured in Awaken the Mind is a rare brainwave pattern first identified by British researcher C. Maxwell Cade. Cade found that this pattern represents the integration of meditative states of consciousness with the normal, waking state in a unified state of mind.

I always have at least one of Eric’s mandalas running on my computer and other devices (usually more than one). Now, if you don’t have energetic sensitivity, you may feel nothing at first. If that’s the case, Eric offers various ways to augment and optimize the effects.

If you’re open to exploring new technologies to support your self-development, check out Awaken the Mind.

Use code CEOSAGE30 for a 30% discount on Awaken the Mind.

(Disclaimer: affiliate link above) 


Books for Self-Leadership

self leadership

Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Earley

Paperback | Kindle | Audio

We have voices, parts, or subpersonalities within our psyche. When we deny this fact, these parts rule us. When we accept this, we can learn to understand and harmonize the characters within us. Self-Therapy is based on a modern integrative therapy called Internal Family Systems (or IFS). It guides you step-by-step through the process of working with your parts. 

Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)
by Chade-Meng Tan

Paperback | Kindle | Audio

Chade-Meng Tan was one of the first engineers at Google. Years later, he helped launch the Search Inside Yourself Institute, a leadership program within Google. The program is a synthesis of the work of psychologists Jon Kabat-Zinn and Daniel Goleman, neuroscientist Richard Davidson, and others. At its core, Search Inside Yourself is a mind training program in emotional intelligence, the critical factor in outperforming leadership. Not only is this book an accessible, practical introduction to emotional intelligence with clear practices and methods, but it’s also an excellent summary of dozens of other great personal development books rolled into one.

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
by Daniel Goleman

Paperback | Kindle | Audio

The reason Goleman’s book is still relevant over 20 years after becoming a bestseller is that no matter how many times we’re told that there are different kinds of intelligence, most people still equate “intelligence” with IQ. But decades of research, especially in the business sector, have revealed that it’s emotional intelligence, not cognitive intelligence, that defines high performance and lasting success in business and life.

>