Self-Deception Examples: A Deeper Look at the Common Tricks We Play on Ourselves

OVERVIEW: Self-deception is the enemy of self-knowledge. But what does self-deception mean? How does it manifest within us? What are self-deception examples we can all relate to? And what can we do about it? 

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If you’re reading this guide, there’s one likely reason:

You’re interested in psychological development.

Otherwise, this topic could be offensive to you.

How dare you suggest I deceive myself!

But anyone on their path to wholeness understands the prevalence of self-deception.

In fact, what is the single biggest roadblock standing in the way of getting to know your shadow?

Self-deception.

It’s the core problem.

So let’s examine the nature of self-deception and how it can hijack our progress.

Self-Deception Meaning

Self-deception is a fancy way of saying lying to oneself.

The ego sees itself one way but behaves, thinks, and feels differently.

Ultimately, self-deception occurs when you are divorced from your shadow.

That is, we’re cut off from aspects of ourselves that are presently unconscious.

For example, a man might see himself as strong and brave while hiding from deep-rooted insecurities, fears, and cowardice. This is the case for virtually all bullies.

The bigger a person’s shadow, the less he knows himself (more unconscious). With less self-knowledge comes more self-deception.

In many cases, internal dishonesty becomes a way of being, a required mechanism for maintaining false beliefs about oneself.

Self-Deception is the Enemy of Self-Knowledge

The biggest problem with self-deception is that it completely stalls internal growth and psychological development.

For a crude example, let’s say you tell yourself, “I’m a great guitar player.”

Now, in reality, while you might own a guitar, you barely ever played it.

If you did pick it up to play, you might realize that you can’t play any chords smoothly, you don’t know how to hold the instrument comfortably, and after a few minutes, it feels like the tips of your fingers are starting to bleed.

You’re unaware of how incompetent you are at playing the guitar. (The first stage of learning is called unconscious incompetence.)

But as long as you keep telling yourself that you’re a great guitar player—and you don’t play it or pay attention when you do—you can continue to deceive yourself.

Well, we essentially do the same thing with many aspects of our personality and self-identity.

What is Self-Identity?

Our self-identity is a composite of traits, attributes, and other qualities that we associate with ourselves.

Self-identity is who we perceive ourselves to be.

For most individuals, our self-identity is established by young adulthood (by age 18).

By then, our perception of ourselves is mostly codified. We now have a construct that we identify as “me” or “I.”

Some people maintain this same self-concept throughout their lives.

Others, either through challenging life circumstances or actively engaging in inner work, find their self-identity changes.

Our Self-Identity is a Form of Self-Deception

This is a key insight from Swiss psychologist Carl Jung’s depth psychology as well as many Eastern traditions.

Our self-identity is mainly created through external conditioning. In the course of our early development, certain traits and qualities were accepted by our parents and other authority figures while others were not.

The attributes that were deemed acceptable became part of our self-identity.

We cut ourselves off from the rest of the traits and qualities, relegating them to what Jung called the Shadow.

That’s why a person’s self-identity—before doing any inner work—is a form of self-deception (or what the traditions sometimes refer to as delusion).

Our self-identities are what Jung called one-sided. Our identities are cut off and divorced from many qualities and attributes.

That is, our personalities are fragmented, and not whole.

Ego Defense Mechanisms Are Forms of Self-Deception

Even though our initial self-identities represent distortions in reality, our egos cling to them.

The ego tries to maintain its current self-concept in any way it can, including:

• Generating false beliefs about itself
• Deleting impulses, thoughts, attitudes, feelings, and behaviors that are inconsistent with one’s identity
• Overemphasizing and amplifying behaviors that are consistent with its identity

The ego works hard to maintain its image via self-deception.

Ultimately, all of the common ego defenses discussed in psychoanalytic literature are forms of self-deception.

To refresh your memory, these defense mechanisms include:

• Repression
• Suppression
• Projection
• Denial
• Regression
• Displacement
• Rationalization

These are all common self-deception tools used by the ego to keep our current self-identity intact.

The Divide Between the Conscious and the Unconscious

These defense mechanisms and a codified self-identity represent a split between what a person is conscious of versus what they’re unaware of.

Everything we don’t know about ourselves is relegated to the unconscious. As long as it stays that way, self-deception is a way of life.

As Jung explained in Alchemical Studies:¹“The Philosophical Tree” (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. p.335.

“A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet him from outside as projections upon his neighbour.”

The primary drive of Jung’s work, including individuation, is to build consciousness.

Building consciousness erodes the divide between the conscious and the unconscious.

By bringing the unconscious to one’s conscious awareness, one can come to terms with all of their illusions, fantasies, and false beliefs about themselves.

Only then, can the game of self-deception finally come to an end.

Self-Deception Examples

The ego can deceive the conscious mind in seemingly infinite ways.

For example, when you hear a story of domestic violence, you might hear an internal voice say, “I’m really a good person. I would never do something like that.”

Of course, under the right conditions, you surely would. Whenever someone says, I would never …, it’s a clear sign they are unconscious of their shadow. It’s virtually always an example of self-deception.

Another common form of self-deception occurs when a person is trying to change a habit.

For example, they may have a desire to learn how to draw, but they can’t seem to find the time. Even just thinking to oneself, “I don’t have the time,” is usually an example of self-deception.

The person may be spending two hours a day distracting themselves on their phone. Or, they may be in the habit of watching various streaming series for hours every evening.

When engaged in self-deception, the individual may say to themselves, “Okay, I’ll just watch TV for an hour and then I’ll start drawing.”

However, intuitively they know that as soon as they crash on the couch, they’re “done” for the evening.

We’ll explore many other self-deception examples below.

The Archetype of Deception

Archetypes are a powerful shorthand for understanding patterns of behavior.

Jung realized the universal nature of these “primordial images” that exist within our collective psyche.

In Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, Jung explores the nature of the Trickster archetype.

In King Warrior Magician Lover, neo-Jungian Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette provide an even clearer illustration of the archetype of deception in what he calls the Detached Manipulator.

The Detached Manipulator or Trickster is the shadow expression of the Magician archetype.

The Magician (or Sage archetype) is responsible for cognitive consciousness and moral refinement—that is, healthy development.

The shadow of the Magician, then, stalls our development.

In one clear sense, self-deception is manipulation turned inward.

4 Self-Deception Examples: How It Stalls Development

One key to overcoming self-deception is to bring unconscious patterns of behavior to consciousness.

Once you’re aware of these patterns, you can begin watching yourself like a hawk, identifying these patterns with increasing speed and efficiency.

Self-deception examples have many faces. We unknowingly use a variety of strategies to thwart our natural developmental progress including:

• Pursuing novelty
• The “I know” syndrome
• Playing innocent
• Internal Storytelling

Let’s examine these self-deception examples and deceptive tactics we often use. Then, we’ll highlight some remedies.

Example 1: Self-Deception and Endless Pursuit of Novelty

The Dabbler is a term from George Leonard’s book Mastery.

The Dabbler is a derivative of the Detached Manipulator.

As the name suggests, this archetype likes to dabble. It enjoys getting exposure to different ideas and experiences, but its main drive is to seek novelty because it’s obsessed with “the new.”

It’s important to watch for this tendency to pursue novelty because it’s the enemy of mastery in any area of life.

Mastery requires a lot of repetition—doing the same things over and over again with focus and awareness. (Think of the guitar example above, or getting to know your shadow.)

The process of mastery leads us to find new levels of sensitivity, information, and subtleties. This process takes us from unconscious incompetence to conscious competence and beyond.

The Dabbler Runs At the First Sign of Discomfort

The Dabbler, in contrast, gets bored easily.

It doesn’t look for subtleties or nuisances. It doesn’t try to apply the methods prescribed with any consistency.

The Dabbler avoids examining anything deeply—including oneself—because it’s not seeking true self-knowledge or insights.

Instead, the Dabbler will try. It will sample. But it will not fully engage in anything that doesn’t provide an immediate payout. (And few, if any, meaningful things do!)

It wants to avoid any discomfort or internal tensions lying beneath the surface.

This is a trap! It’s a common way we deceive ourselves.

Example 2: The “I Know” Syndrome of Self-Deception

We often fail to differentiate between theoretical knowledge and applied knowledge.

With theoretical knowledge, we can know a lot about something.

With applied knowledge, we have direct experience with it.

Intellectuals Often Fall into this Trap

The acquisition of knowledge—without diligent application—often leads to intellectualism.

Intellectualism is a form of ego inflation (superiority, grandiosity) that takes our feet off the ground.

For example, an academic living in his or her ivory tower can come up with any manner of political or economic theory.

However, because most of these academics have limited real-world experience (applied knowledge), their theories virtually always fail in the end.

(Everything the WEF does, for example, is an expression of ungrounded theories and flawed ideologies rooted in manipulation and deception.)

The Endless Knowledge Trap

Curiosity can lead you on an endless knowledge quest. It will have you consume countless books, articles, lectures, interviews, and programs. It may fill your mind with an insatiable appetite for theoretical knowledge.

Yet, with careful examination—usually upon self-reflection—you’ll find that you’re not applying the knowledge you have acquired.

This initially happened to me with shadow work. I was consumed with psychological literature for many years, thinking I was “getting to know my shadow.” Yet, I hadn’t even started!

It was demoralizing when this realization came upon me. But at the same time, that’s when the real ego confrontations and the application of this knowledge began to manifest.

“I Already Know This Stuff.”

Applying the knowledge we learn, in contrast, is humbling. It’s messy and awkward at times.

There’s ambiguity and uncertainty, which the ego tends to resist and avoid.

In the context of inner work, I’m sure many of you have heard the internal voice of “I know.”

• “I already know this stuff.”
• “I tried this before, but it didn’t work for me.”
• “That’s nothing new.”

As a consequence, no genuine progress is made in the shadow integration process.

Remember, the goal of the conscious mind is generally to keep your current self-identity intact.

Example 3: The Elusive Role of Innocence in Self-Deception

Playing coy or innocent in adults is usually a clear indicator of self-deception.

The Fool Archetype

This expression of self-deception is associated with the fool archetype.

In Robert Moore’s model, the fool is the Denying Innocent One.

While the Detached Manipulator is the active side of the Magician’s shadow, the Innocent One is the passive side.

That is, the internal manipulator/deceiver and the innocent fool are two sides of the same coin!

When possessed by the Fool, we consciously act naive to keep the image of ourselves intact.

Oftentimes, the inner experience of playing innocent manifests as feeling uncertain, confused, and forgetful.

How Playing Innocent Hijacks Our Development

In the context of inner work, the fool archetype can express itself in various ways:

• “I’m trying to get to know my shadow, but it’s just not working for me.”
• “I just don’t see how I’m like that.”
• “I can’t seem to remember to catch myself during the day.”

This innocence will keep things like shadow work at a cursory level where no true integration takes place.

In other areas of internal development and self-knowledge, this impulse of false innocence will ensure that you forget to pay attention.

This child-like form of self-deception is elusive because it can activate an internal parental voice that says, “Oh, it’s okay. You’ll do better next time.”

The challenge is that this innocent part has no intention of “doing better” next time. It has already achieved its aim: to keep you as blind to yourself as possible.

The more you bring this impulse to consciousness, the less influence it will have on your development.

Example 4: How Internal Storytelling Leads to Self-Deception

Stories are amazingly powerful.

They can uplift, entertain, inspire, teach, and lead us to experience the full range of emotions.

But stories also have a dark side. They can deceive us, trick us, confuse us, and mislead us.

The social engineers of society, for example, use the power of narrative to distort our reality.

They consciously weave stories designed to misdirect, deceive, and influence our behavior. There’s always a hidden motive or agenda behind their narratives. That’s the very nature of propaganda. Propaganda is a weapon of the Detached Manipulator.

But every human being subconsciously does the same thing to themselves.

The Inner Storyteller

While the Powers That Be wield stories and narratives consciously, we most often engage in storytelling unconsciously.

That is, the conscious mind is a powerful storyteller.

The ego tells us stories about ourselves, others, our past, and even our future.

• “When I was younger …”
• “My parents were …”
• “I am …”

Convincing stories most often have elements of truth that make them persuasive.

I had a rather “rough” childhood compared to those around me, and as I got older, I would tell others “my story.” It was a story of victimhood, and somehow, I was prideful of having experienced and “overcome” this story.

The Impulse to Tell Our Stories

The impulse to tell our story can be the Self’s attempt to bridge the gap from distortion to reality.

But more often, from my observations, it’s a function of the conscious mind keeping our self-identity intact.

After doing years of inner work, the impulse to “tell your story” will likely completely vanish. Why?

Because in bringing your past to full consciousness, you see that this “story” was largely a work of fiction. It was a highly edited version of your past and the characters involved.

And it was not grounded in reality. (In truth, the real events are sometimes far uglier than we had originally conceived; other times, less so.)

Ultimately, the impulse to tell our origin stories is present because something is unresolved. There’s an internal tension that causes us to want to share it. Once that internal tension is resolved through inner work, the impulse to “share our tale” disappears.

So be mindful of the stories you tell yourself—of your past and of who you are.

Remember that the one who weaves these narratives generally has an agenda. This agenda is generally not aligned with one’s natural, healthy course of development (more expansive, fluid consciousness).

How to Overcome Self-Deception

The self-deception examples above highlight some of the common ways we trick ourselves.

Thankfully, we have many methods and strategies at our disposal to lessen the impulse for self-deception.

These methods are:

• Slowing down
• Reducing distraction
• Observing ourselves carefully
• Introspecting and self-reflecting
• Hold to the Center
• Dropping into a Beginner’s Mind
• Diving into the mess

Now, let’s take a closer look at each one.

Slow Down

One of the biggest challenges to catching self-deception is that most of us move too quickly.

It’s as if we’re in a continuous race to get somewhere. We walk fast. Eat fast. Talk fast. Multitask.

The problem is that when we’re moving fast, we are missing loads of information.

There’s a limit to what our conscious minds can process, and to function at all, the brain is constantly deleting data it doesn’t deem necessary at the moment. Neuroscientists call this “cognitive load.”²Jian Zengdan, et al. “Self-Deception Reduces Cognitive Load: The Role of Involuntary Conscious Memory Impairment” Frontiers in Psychology. Volume 10, 2019. DOI=10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01718.

So do what you can to slow down with whatever you’re doing throughout the day. Simply remind yourself to slow down when you can.

It’s an essential first step.

Reduce Distraction

Our modern lives are plagued with endless distractions. With a screen at our fingertips, we’re constantly distracting and overstimulating ourselves.

Sure, there are many drivers behind our obsession with technology and black screens, including our constant quest for a dopamine hit combined with a lack of impulse control.

Plus, since everyone around us seems to have the same addiction, it’s been normalized in modern culture.

But on a deeper level, our addiction to screens is a clear sign of neurosis.

This constant need for distraction and stimulation is an indication that we’re avoiding some form of internal tension.

Essentially, our collective behaviors toward distraction are a form of avoidance behavior: we are distracting ourselves instead of looking within.

So do what’s in your power to reduce this distracting force. Free up more energy and attention that can be directed toward getting to know yourself.

Observe Yourself Carefully

Self-observation comes naturally to some personality types, but not others.

Ultimately, it’s difficult to catch self-deception if you’re not paying close attention to your internal terrain—thoughts, feelings, attitudes, impulses, moods, and judgments.

Watch for inconsistencies between how you perceive yourself and your behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes.

We can’t always be observing ourselves. But there are plenty of moments throughout the day when we can.

Direct the lens of awareness toward your inner terrain and see what new information begins to bubble into consciousness.

It’s a decision (to turn inward) that we must make each day.

Introspect and Reflect

Next, introspect and self-reflect.

Pay attention to your thoughts and what you say to others. Consider:

• Why did I say that?
• Is that what I really meant?
• Do I really feel that way?

Examine your intentions and behaviors:

• Do I have a hidden motive here?
• What am I really after?
• Would I be doing this if no one else was watching?
• Would I be doing this if someone was watching?

Remember that our conscious mind (self-identity) works hard to maintain our current self-image.

To look below the surface, we need to challenge what we think we know about ourselves.

Hold to the Center

Learning to access your Center is vital for catching self-deception.

The mind can be highly critical and judgmental. Some people refer to this tendency as the “inner critic.”

As such, the mind will naturally shy away from unconscious material.

The Center, in contrast, is neutral, calm, alert, and active.

When we hold to the Center, we can observe our inner terrain without judgment, criticism, or commentary.

We aren’t emotional in the Center. We just observe the ego mind from a neutral position.

The more you’re able to hold to the Center, the less the internal trickster will hijack your progress with inner work.

Drop into the Beginner’s Mind

A key strategy for overcoming self-deception is to continuously adopt a beginner’s mind.

A beginner’s mind is empty, open, curious, and receptive.

Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki writes in Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind:

If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few.

The beginner’s mind is the remedy for two of the deceptive patterns we highlighted above:

1. The Dabbler (seeking novelty)
2. The “I know” syndrome

Learning (in any area) requires a great deal of tinkering.

Due to our preconditioned fixed mindset from childhood, however, many of us have become rigid.

As such, we forgot how to play and tinker without fear of “getting it wrong.”

The beginner’s mind helps us embrace experiences without our preconceived notions and prior conditioning.

Dive into the Mess

Another remedy to pacify and dissolve self-deception is to consistently apply effective methods for self-inquiry no matter what.

Self-deception is a mental game built on concepts and theories. It’s a form of rationalization that engages the mind, but not much else.

The antidote to this tendency is to “get messy.”

That is, dive head-first into the uncertainty and ambiguity inherent in any form of inner work.

We have a lifetime of prior conditioning—of building up our false selves.

Dismantling this ego construct doesn’t happen overnight. Trying to keep the process neat and orderly will only stall your progress.

So instead, dive in and get messy. Embrace the chaos and uncertainty of the inner world, at least for a time. (Eventually, things start to settle down.)

Embrace daily practices (like shadow work) instead of focusing on theories and concepts.

Don’t worry about “doing it right” or “not getting to the heart of the matter” right away.

Just keep applying the methods with increasing neutral attention and focus.

No Shortcuts

There’s no shortcut when it comes to uncovering self-deception.

You just need to pay attention to internal feedback and watch out for inconsistencies between:

1. How you perceive yourself and
2. Your behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes.

Stay conscious of the patterns of self-deception we highlighted above. They can help you identify tendencies within yourself that you may not have noticed.

Embrace the ugliness. Take the “hits” in stride. Explore yourself with the curiosity of someone on a quest.

As you engage in the messiness, self-deception begins to dissolve.

As a result, you find greater inner contentment—what Jung called wholeness—as your feet become more grounded beneath you.

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To help address the tendency toward self-deception, my Shadow Training course revolves around methods instead of theory (more “information”). The key, I’ve found, is to have just enough theory to give you the proper context for applying what you learn.

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