Most approaches to overcoming laziness offer external hacks—goals, accountability, or motivational tricks.
Yet these tactics rarely endure because they neglect the inner system driving resistance.
Drawing from depth psychology, neuroscience, and mind‑body integration principles, this in-depth guide helps you understand why laziness appears and how to transform it into sustainable vitality, insight, and creative flow.
We’ll explore:
- The hidden archetypes that shape productivity and inertia
- The eight psychological faces of laziness (from apathy to fear)
- Effective, science‑supported ways to cultivate intrinsic motivation
By the end, laziness won’t be your enemy—it’ll be your feedback loop for balance, clarity, and higher performance.
Let’s dive in …
What is Laziness?
Laziness is a psychological signal—not a character flaw. It indicates misalignment between personal rhythm and external demand, often rooted in suppressed emotions, conditioned self-judgment, or nervous system fatigue.
The Two Archetypes Behind Laziness
Archetypes are recurring patterns or “psychic blueprints” that organize thought, emotion, and behavior.
Coined by Carl Jung, they powerfully shape motivation, resistance, and identity.
At the core of overcoming laziness lies a hidden tug‑of‑war between two psychological archetypes—internal subpersonalities that influence behavior outside our everyday awareness.
Understanding these opposing drives is the first step toward regaining inner balance.
Archetype #1 – The Achiever
The Achiever takes pride in progress, order, and impact. This part equates worth with productivity: being busy feels moral, while resting feels dangerous.
Achievers live by to‑do lists, deadlines, and praise. When idle, they experience anxiety or guilt—the fear of being “unproductive.”
Modern culture celebrates the Achiever. Children often mirror this pattern with overscheduled lives—constant lessons, activities, and structured “play dates.”
Busyness becomes a badge of success, reinforcing an unconscious dependency on performance for self‑esteem.
Archetype #2 – The Lazy Part
The Lazy part is the Achiever’s shadow twin. Often painted as vice or failure, it surfaces when our energy systems—or our psyche—demand recuperation or redirection.
Laziness manifests when the mind signals, “Stop pushing; something deeper needs attention.”
In moral language, this became sloth, one of the “seven deadly sins.”
Yet depth psychologists interpret it differently: sloth reflects the psyche’s effort to restore equilibrium when the ego overextends itself.
Suppressing the Lazy part generates physiological feedback—fatigue, procrastination, burnout, even illness. Fighting it amplifies resistance; befriending it restores flow.
The Illusion of Opposition
Our culture convinces us that we must choose: be a winner (the Achiever) or accept defeat (the Lazy one). But these are not two distinct selves; they are complementary expressions of the same system.
True balance means integrating both poles.
Repressing laziness fuels compulsion; glorifying laziness breeds stagnation.
Mature psychological adulthood emerges only when we reconcile these drives and access the calm center that observes and directs both.
For greater depth of this principle, see my guide on shadow integration, which explains how denied traits become unconscious saboteurs until they are consciously reclaimed.
Suppressing Laziness Doesn’t Work
Much of our effort in self-development and self-discipline is an attempt to cage our lazy part.
How do we try to overcome laziness?
We hate, criticize, attack, and condemn it. This approach, however, only strengthens laziness.
What we suppress within our psyche only gets stronger over time.
When we try to fight or suppress laziness, this unconscious force attacks our body:
- We get sick.
- A disease forms.
- Chronic fatigue sets in (requiring a continuous stream of stimulants to keep moving).
- We develop acute and chronic pain in different parts of our bodies.
Shun the God of Laziness, and it sends its wrath upon us.
How Laziness is Born (Understanding This Is Essential)
Every lazy impulse has a lineage. Laziness doesn’t appear in adulthood out of nowhere—it’s conditioned through early emotional and cultural programming.
Understanding this developmental origin is vital to overcoming laziness.
As children, we live through pure curiosity—questioning, exploring, and experimenting freely. For the most part, we have no responsibilities.
But soon, authority structures redirect this natural energy toward compliance and “achievement.” Our spontaneous play becomes measured work.
Our minds became molded and conditioned to external structure.
The Burden of Responsibility
Parents bear the full responsibility for themselves and their children.
As mature adults, they would not feel this is a burden, as they would be ready for this stage in their life cycle.
However, the reality is that few people ever reach mature psychological adulthood—and almost no one does so in their 20s and 30s when they are raising children.
Parents, often struggling with their own unprocessed anxieties, project their inner critic onto their children: “Why are you sitting around? Why aren’t you doing something useful?”’
Some of us heard our parents say these words out loud, while others absorbed the message psychically (in their subconscious).
Subconsciously, we adopt the belief: “doing nothing” is wrong.
Over time, the psyche internalizes a tyrannical inner manager who suppresses spontaneity, and the lazy part emerges as a form of rebellion.
Judgment Breeds Laziness
Judgment, not inactivity, is the true seed of laziness. Almost always, it’s instilled in us early on by our parents and then by our teachers.
Research on self‑determination theory by Deci and Ryan shows that environments dominated by control and evaluation diminish intrinsic motivation.1Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self‑determination in human behavior. Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978‑1‑4899‑2271‑7
When children feel constantly judged, they disconnect motivation from enjoyment.
How the Education System Fuels Laziness
School systems, too, convert curiosity into performance anxiety. Most of us didn’t like school, and we didn’t enjoy doing homework.
Why would we? Our school systems make learning a tedious chore (which is one way they kill children’s creativity and innate genius).2Robinson, K. (2010). Changing education paradigms [Video]. RSA Animate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U “Schooling” also teaches us many things we intuitively know are untrue.
Standardized workloads, grades, and time pressure reward compliance over exploration—what Sir Ken Robinson called “the industrialization of human potential.”
As Curiosity Decreases, Consumption Increases
As interest collapses, digital overstimulation fills the void.
Television, films, video games, and endless streaming content—sight, sound, and motion stimulate our brains and pacify our attention.
The result: entertainment dulls our sense of self-agency and our drive to actualize our potential.
The Child, the Shadow, and the Cultural Script
In depth‑psychological terms, this suppression banishes the playful, restful part of the self into the shadow.
We then spend adult life fighting the very energy that once kept us balanced.
Neuroscientist Bruce McEwen showed that stress hormones reduce the brain’s flexibility—one reason chronic pressure eventually manifests as “laziness” or fatigue.3McEwen, B. S. (2006). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators: Central role of the brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1032(1), 1‑21. https://doi.org/10.31887/dcns.2006.8.4/bmcewen
The “lazy” shutdown response becomes a forced safety mechanism rather than a moral failure.
From Symptom to Signal
Once we learn to reframe laziness as a signal, it stops being the enemy.
The task shifts from “fixing” laziness to decoding what it’s communicating:
- Fatigue represents depleted reserves
- Confusion signifies unmet clarity
- Apathy reflects a disconnection from our values
Each state mirrors a deeper misalignment between personal rhythm and social expectation.
True growth begins not by overriding these signals but by cultivating attuned self‑leadership, which allows both rest and action their rightful place.
The 8 Faces of Laziness and How to Overcome Them
Before we explore ways to overcome laziness, it’s helpful to understand the various forms it can take.
Laziness never wears one mask. It surfaces in many psychological voices—each pointing to a distinct unmet need.
When you can name which voice is speaking, you can respond consciously rather than with shame or caffeine.
The voices of laziness include:
- Confusion: “I don’t know what to do.”
- Neurotic Fear: “I just can’t.”
- Fixed Mindset: “I’m afraid I’ll fail or look stupid.”
- Lethargy: “I’m too tired. I don’t have the energy.”
- Apathy: “I just don’t care about anything.”
- Regret: “I’m too old to get started. It’s too late.”
- Identity: “I’m just a lazy person.”
- Shame: “I shouldn’t be so lazy.”
Do any of these voices sound familiar?
It’s important to hear these voices or thought patterns and to accept them without judgment or criticism. Behind each voice is a message. These sentiments provide data, nothing more.
Below are the eight most common “faces” of laziness, along with practical translations and realignment approaches.
1 – Confusion: “I don’t know what to do.”
This voice might tell the truth. At this moment, the part expressing this voice doesn’t know what to do.
When you hear this voice, start by finding your center.
Welcome the uncertainty. It will pass. And clarity will return.
As cognitive‑psychology pioneer Herbert Simon noted, clarity forms when attention relaxes enough to see new options.
You can also ask your Inner Guide for further insight as to what you need to focus on next.
2 – Neurotic Fear: “I just can’t.”
Real fear evokes the fight-or-flight response. But laziness often comes from neurotic fear.
Instead of fighting for what we want or fleeing to fight another day, obsessive fear freezes us. We feel immobilized by indecision and inaction.
To overcome neurotic fear, admit your fear, allow yourself to feel it fully, and then take action.
Simply labeling the sensation—“this is fear”—reduces amygdala activity and restores executive control.4Harvard Mindfulness Lab. (2011). Mindfulness modulates the amygdala during emotional processing [Research summary]. Nature Neuroscience, 14(9), 1223–1225. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.2726
As psychologist David Richo writes in How To Be An Adult,
Acting because of fear is cowardice; acting with fear is the courage that survives it.
To transcend neurotic fear, name it and take action.
3 – Fixed Mindset: “I’ll fail or look stupid.”
A fixed mindset is a term popularized from psychologist Carol Dweck’s Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
With a fixed mindset, people believe their talents, abilities, and intelligence are set at birth.
They fear trying new things because they want to look smart and talented, even though they lack experience.
Individuals with a growth mindset, in contrast, know their talents, abilities, and intelligence can develop through deliberate practice.
If you hear this voice, change your fixed mindset.
4 – Lethargy: “I’m too tired.”
We invest a lot of energy suppressing our lazy side. The more we run from it, the stronger it becomes in our unconscious.
When you feel lethargic, instead of stimulating yourself with caffeine, accept your fatigue.
Achievers, in particular, can benefit from less activity and more naps.
Close your eyes. Observe your breath. Better yet, go to bed earlier and get more sleep.
Embracing lethargy is often the best way to move beyond it and overcome laziness.
You can also practice energy cultivation methods like Zhan Zhuang or grounding exercises. If that doesn’t work, try a cold shower.
5 – Apathy: “I just don’t care.”
Apathy signals emotional burnout. It’s the voice of depression.
In my experience as a coach, achievers rarely realize when they’re depressed.
They just “power through it,” which eventually leads to burnout. As with laziness, when we fight depression, it grows stronger.
There are many sources of depression. Sometimes we stray from our true course, taking on too many things outside our interests. We confuse disinterest with laziness.
If you hear this voice, connect with an inspiring personal vision and reorient your behaviors with your core values.
6 – Regret: “I’m too late.”
Having regrets is a part of adulthood. Regret only holds us back when we don’t allow ourselves to grieve the past.
These voices are just beliefs, not truths. They are sometimes excuses for not getting started right now.
When you hear this voice, feel the sense of loss and then let it go.
Embracing and “letting go” of regret can be a fast way to overcome laziness.
7 – Identity: “I’m just a lazy person.”
If you hear this voice, it’s a sure sign the lazy part has hijacked you.
When we’re centered, we are neutral. We don’t define ourselves as either lazy people or achievers. We just are.
Acknowledge this voice, but get distance from it. You are not that. We can express laziness, but it never defines who or what we are.
8 – Shame: “I shouldn’t be so lazy.”
Shame is another part of us that teams up with laziness. Shameful thoughts and feelings ensure the lazy part stays in control.
Shame and self-criticism reinforce undesirable behaviors. In contrast, self-compassion enables us to take responsibility and establish more supportive habits and behaviors.
In fact, people who treat themselves kindly take more responsibility, not less, as shown in research on compassionate motivation (Leary, M, et al, 2007).5Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Allen, A. B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self‑compassion and reactions to unpleasant self‑relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(5), 887‑904. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.5.887
Try replacing inner scolding with curiosity: “What need of mine isn’t being met?”—that question alone can dissolve shame’s grip.
Being lazy is okay. It doesn’t mean anything about you. Everyone has a lazy part. You’re not alone. Sometimes, overcoming laziness is as easy as accepting this part.
Listening Beneath Resistance
We have all had people judge us for our laziness. But anyone who judged us was denying their lazy part and projecting it onto us.
We didn’t know what was happening, but we felt shame and guilt about our childhood laziness. If we are aware of this shame and guilt, we can resolve it.
However, many of us lack the emotional awareness to navigate through these emotions. Instead, we do the same thing to other people: we cut ourselves off from our lazy part and judge others for their laziness.
All eight faces point inward. Whether confusion, fear, or apathy, each voice asks you to listen rather than discipline.
By honoring what each emotion protects, you transform resistance into guidance.
How to Overcome Laziness: The Secret Key
Rather than fighting with the lazy part, embrace it.
Get to know it. Welcome laziness. Befriend it. Allow it to be.
Whether we want it or not, this lazy part is in us. We should make friends with it or at least become neutral towards it.
Laziness can be a powerful ally. It can help you get things done quickly so you can go back to being lazy.
When you stop fighting inner resistance, psychic energy that once maintained the battle becomes available for creative action.
Making Friends With Laziness
Instead of hostility, begin a conversation. Through active imagination, picture your lazy part as a sub‑self with its own message. Ask:
What are you protecting me from? What would help you relax?
By listening, you replace self‑judgment with curiosity.
How do you know if you’re making friends with your laziness?
You won’t be hard on yourself when this part takes over. You also won’t criticize others possessed by this part.
Instead, you’ll have compassion for them as you will understand their inner battle.
Rather than placing shame, guilt, and criticism on ourselves or others for being lazy, we can practice self-acceptance and self-compassion.
Self‑Compassion Replaces Self‑Criticism
Achievers often believe harshness equals progress.
Yet studies by Kristin Neff show the opposite: self‑compassion enhances accountability and persistence.
When people treat themselves kindly after setbacks, the brain’s threat centers quiet down, freeing the prefrontal cortex for planning and follow‑through.
Try this: next time you miss a task, say aloud: “That was one data point. What have I learned?”
This rewires performance evaluation into growth feedback—an essential step in true self‑mastery.
But Won’t Laziness Take Over?
The fear of laziness taking over makes achievers want to fight against it.
Although some people exert a strong will against their lazy part, for many of us, the lazy part has already won.
That’s why habits, willpower, and motivation are popular topics in psychology and self-improvement circles.
Self-criticism leads to poor behavior. Self-compassion, not self-criticism, will inspire positive growth.
Using Laziness to Relax
One reason many of us struggle to overcome laziness is that we never allow ourselves to be 100 percent lazy.
Laziness persists when we resist it.
Even when we give in to it, if we aren’t aware of the shame or guilt, a part of us resists and judges our laziness. That’s why it often persists.
Truly lazy people shouldn’t hold any muscular strain because holding tension takes effort. And lazy people don’t like effort.
Lazy people shouldn’t have shallow breathing (from their chests) because that, too, is a sign of holding tension.
Relax into your lazy part so you can breathe deeply into your belly.
Embrace your lazy part and experience deep rest—perhaps for the first time. Your body will thank you later.
We can use our lazy part to relax deeply. If we do, we’ll feel less neurotic (anxious, depressed, and moody).
We won’t need to sedate ourselves with food, binge-watching shows, the internet, and so on.
Laziness and Over‑Achieving: Two Sides of One Coin
Ultimately, both laziness and overachieving are signs of mental imbalance. The source of this imbalance lies in repressed emotions and conditioned behaviors.
Balancing them requires the grounded perspective of authentic self‑leadership: aligning priorities with inner values instead of social pressure.
Use your “lazy” moments to review alignment. Ask:
- Am I striving for ego validation or genuine contribution?
- What feels light, natural, almost effortless?
When our actions spring from an inner alignment, effort feels spontaneous and energizing rather than depleting.
As mature adults, we can accept limitations and be kind toward ourselves. Our job is to bring these internal opposing forces into balance.
The Questions Behind the Resistance
Let’s run through common questions regarding laziness and its psychological causes.
Why am I so lazy and unmotivated?
Laziness rarely means you lack discipline—it means something deeper needs attention.
The impulse to shut down often traces back to early conditioning: the inner manager installed by judgmental parents, teachers, and a culture that equates self-worth with productivity.
Your psyche isn’t broken; it’s signaling depletion, misalignment, or an unmet need.
The eight faces of laziness—confusion, neurotic fear, fixed mindset, lethargy, apathy, regret, identity, and shame—each point to a distinct root cause.
Motivation returns not when you push harder, but when you decode which voice is speaking and respond to what it’s actually asking for.
Is laziness a character flaw?
No. Calling laziness a character flaw is like calling a check-engine light a design defect.
Laziness is a signal, not a moral failing. What gets labeled “lazy” is almost always something else underneath—fatigue, fear, grief, misalignment with your values, or the psyche’s natural braking mechanism when the ego overextends.
The achiever archetype wants you to believe rest is dangerous, but that belief is cultural programming, not truth. Self-compassion, not self-criticism, is what restores sustainable motivation.
How can I stop being lazy right now?
Paradoxically, the fastest way out of laziness is to stop fighting it.
Most resistance persists because part of you is still tense with shame even while “giving in.”
Instead, do nothing—consciously. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply into your belly. Let your body release the muscular strain of self-judgment. This is how you reset your nervous system.
Once the inner battle quiets, the psychic energy that was fueling the tug-of-war becomes available for action. Often, 10 minutes of deliberate, shameless idleness does what an hour of forced effort cannot.
What causes laziness in adults?
Adult laziness is largely conditioned in childhood.
We’re born curious and energetically spontaneous, but authority structures—parents projecting their own anxieties, school systems that reward compliance over exploration—gradually replace intrinsic motivation with external obligation.
The message “doing nothing is wrong” gets internalized so deeply that the psyche eventually rebels, producing the very inertia it was taught to fear.
Add years of digital overstimulation filling the void left by suppressed curiosity, and what looks like laziness is often a nervous system stuck in a protective shutdown response.
As neuroscientist Bruce McEwen showed, chronic stress reduces the brain’s flexibility—laziness can be the body forcing a recovery it was never voluntarily given.
How do I motivate myself when I feel lazy?
Stop negotiating with yourself and start listening instead.
When you feel resistance arise, don’t debate it or shame it—get curious. Ask your lazy part directly: “What are you protecting me from? What would help you relax?”
Instead of self-indulgence, this is actually how you dialogue with the part of you that holds the information you need.
From there, shrink the task to something laughably small—not “write the report,” but “open the document.”
Once you start, continuing is dramatically easier than starting was. And when action aligns with your actual values rather than someone else’s expectations, effort begins to feel spontaneous rather than depleting.
The Power of Doing Nothing (Consciously)
Distinguish between doing nothing and avoiding responsibility.
Our cultural bias says doing nothing is slothful. But is it?
When Eastern meditation was introduced to American culture in the 1950s, most psychologists believed it was a form of escapism. It was highly criticized.
Now, with the help of neuroscience and transpersonal psychology, we know otherwise.
Mindfulness practices provide a solution to our obsession with busyness. In doing nothing, we observe within ourselves and our environment. We see things differently.
Short “non‑doing” practices such as beginner’s‑mind meditation or simple breath observation build tolerance for inner quiet.
Doing nothing with awareness dismantles compulsive busyness and distraction; it re‑educates the nervous system to trust rest.
From that grounded state, purposeful work flows without resistance.
“Laziness” is Essential for the Creative Process
Historically, mystics, inventors, and artists all embraced strategic idleness—the “incubation phase” described in my article on the creative process.
In the incubation stage, creatives naturally allow their minds to wander. They daydream. Disconnect. Reflect. Enter sometimes long periods of reverie.
Reverie, from the outside, looks a whole lot like laziness, doesn’t it?
That is, skilled creative geniuses learn how to make friends with their lazy part. They don’t let this part own them, but they instinctively know when to embrace it.
Final Thoughts: How to Overcome Laziness
So, how to overcome laziness?
- Recognize each lazy impulse as intelligent information.
- Dialog with it using curiosity, not contempt.
- Translate the message into practical adjustments—rest, clarity, or redirection.
- Re‑enter activity from centered presence.
By cycling through awareness, acceptance, and aligned action, you can transform laziness from a saboteur to a strategist.
Instead of trying to do more or be more, consider accepting yourself as you are right now—laziness and all.
In the long run, personal attacks won’t lead to meaningful change, fulfillment, or higher performance.
It will only create a stronger ego (more internal resistance) and more subconscious self-hatred.
Focus on self-acceptance instead of self-criticism. It makes all the difference in your efforts to overcome laziness.
As Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron advises, “Start where you are.”
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What Do You Think?
Leave your thoughts, questions, and comments below.
References
- Brewer, J. A. (2019). Unwinding anxiety: New science shows how to break the cycles of worry and fear to heal your mind. Avery.
- Chödrön, P. (1994). Start where you are: A guide to compassionate living. Shambhala Publications.
- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self‑determination in human behavior. Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978‑1‑4899‑2271‑7
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
- Harvard Mindfulness Lab. (2011). Mindfulness modulates the amygdala during emotional processing [Research summary]. Nature Neuroscience, 14(9), 1223–1225. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.2726
- McEwen, B. S. (2006). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators: Central role of the brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1032(1), 1‑21. https://doi.org/10.31887/dcns.2006.8.4/bmcewen
- Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Allen, A. B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self‑compassion and reactions to unpleasant self‑relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(5), 887‑904. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.92.5.887
- Richo, D. (1991). How to be an adult: A handbook on psychological and spiritual integration. Paulist Press.
- Robinson, K. (2010). Changing education paradigms [Video]. RSA Animate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U
- Simon, H. A. (1978). Rationality as process and as product of thought. American Economic Review Proceedings, 68(2), 1‑16.
I like it! Relax into your lazy. I can feel it. As someoine who is constantly trying to do more in a scheduled and feeling guilty for taking time off or leaving things which feel too hard, this is an eye opener. I’ll continue to use this with my mini habits actions. Thank you.
That’s great to hear, Anna. Most of us have been shamed and guilted for laziness, which only makes it stronger in us. And repressing it works to a certain point and then it leads to illness and discontent.
I always enjoy reading these insights from you. It is a great source of reading and learning. I answered yes to all the lazy questions – this is so me. Now if I can only act on doing what you suggest, I think a lot of my issues would work themselves out. : ) Thank you Scott!
For sure, Kym. You’re most welcome.
The main thing is to become conscious of these “voices” and begin to differentiate them instead of identifying them with the core of “you.”
I found myself in two categories, confusion and lethargy. İt is great to discover the reason solution would be painful but finding real reason is really difficult.
Thanks for your contribition.
Sure thing, GökhanT. Thank you for your comments.
Your work is as well delivered as it is inspiring. Thank you
Sure thing, Simon.
How does one overcome laziness that gets in the way of productivity & results in missed opportunities?? I understand we are to accept it but how to fix it??
It may be helpful for you to read this guide again. If you’re trying to “fix it,” you haven’t understood and/or accepted what’s driving the behavior. Once you come to terms with it, you’ll be in a better position to regulate your behavior.
While reading this I noticed a shift in how I was feeling. I am inspired very much by this article. Thank you
That’s great to hear, Angela. Perhaps a “part” of you let go…
I’m too lazy to even read this article.
Well, Carl, at least you had sufficient motivation to scroll to the bottom and leave a comment. ;-)
Very interesting. Am trying to relate this to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E. I was ever a “doer” and am indeed critical of those around me if they’re not busy; seems like I haven’t accepted the illness yet!
It’s not really about “accepting the illness.” It’s about accepting the fact that you’re not how you perceive yourself to be.
That’s what happens as you get to know and integrate your shadow. You realize, again and again, that you’re not how you thought you were.
At first, the ego feels a sense of loss or defeat. But this is followed by a feeling of okayness that grounds you (once you accept this reality).
Wonderfully conveyed just what I need right now
Brilliant article! I have been rejecting my lazy part and trying to pretend it is not there and then also getting annoyed with my husbands laziness, and reinforcing his laziness instead of acknowledging my own and accepting working with it
Thank you Scott! ? you help me very much
Sure thing, Amy.
And you accurately described the psychological dynamics that play out in virtually every home!
this truly helped me today… how insightful! thank you for your writing!
Outcome is rewarded over effort and intent in our world and yet the juice is hardly ever worth the squeeze. The juice must become the squeeze and authentic purpose must take the place of ego comparisons. Otherwise, life and the perpetuation of life is a meaningless unrewarding experience, filled with pointless suffering, utterly devoid of value. Motivation is not possible under such conditions but I do not believe that this is our fate.
Thank you for your article.
I might not fully understand it right now because some question is coming to me but it seem that im not able to explain it Well.
If i understood well, what is denied persists.
So there is no way to change myself ?
If i drive next To a McDonald and the smelling make me want To eat junk, i should accept it and indulge in eating junk food ?
If someone try To upset me, should i accept that i want To physically beat him and do it ?
Some time i don’t want To work on my piano score but usually, i forcémyself and then i am happy To have worked on it and have enjoyed the session.
When i wanted To lose weight, every sport session that i impose my self to loose weight and be in better shape was awfull and i took no pleasure, i forced myself To do it. But now that i am in good shape i dont miss a chance to do some sport.
Is the brain not against any kind of change ( positiv or negativ) at the beginning ? Or maybe is it selfhelp B.S.
I thank you in advance for your answer and for your article. I hope that you understand my interogation.
Have a good day
Thomas
Thomas, it appears you may be misunderstanding the message here.
It’s a fundamental principle of the psyche that what you resist within yourself, persists or grows stronger. This is a psychological principle.
The illustration you gave with McDonald’s would be more of a biological trigger related to impulse control.
See this guide.
In the second illustration, if someone upsets you and you acknowledge that you want to beat him, then you’re not resisting. You’re acknowledging the impulse and then regulating it.
The problem arises when you don’t acknowledge that thought. Then, it builds within you, causing you to become more aggressive or directed inward it leads to physical pain and illness.
Same goes for your other illustrations. You’re confusing impulse control with internal acceptance.
In the case of working out, a lot of times the ego feels better that you “pushed through” the resistance (because it elevates your self-image), but later on (years later sometimes) you may come to realize that this pushing through came at the cost of our feeling function (or perhaps your soul).
Neuroscience holds a lot of influence over how we perceive things. As such, much of our behaviors are reduced to neurotransmitters inducing particular signals that “cause” our behavior. However, whether or not they are actually the root “cause” is still open to debate.
Sir,
I thank you verry much for your answer. It has explained what i didnt fully understood.
Hi Scott, thank you for this insight. I am feeling guiltier about being lazy in the things I wanted to achieve the older I get. Overthinking about what I could have achieved so far, instead of just starting. On the other spectrum, being an overachiever in things that don’t bring much joy to me. Currently working on your course to find my core values. Never thought would be so hard to discover them. Have to remind myself to go back to the centre and forget about what others want me to do. Leah
Hi Leah,
“I am feeling guiltier about being lazy in the things I wanted to achieve the older I get. Overthinking about what I could have achieved so far, instead of just starting.”
I can certainly relate to this. The key, I’ve found, is to hear this voice — that is, acknowledge the part of yourself that feels this way — and then simply start taking action in the direction of your aspirations.
Over time, I found that this part that expresses, “Think of what you could have achieved…” just likes to express regret. If we fight it, it creates internal tension. But if we acknowledge this voice and take direct action regardless, this “guilty” and “regretful” voice lessens as a consequence of our consistent actions.
So very true Scott! The quicker we acknowledge it is there, the sooner we can move forward. Very true for many aspects of our lives. If we don’t acknowledge it, we are just going in never ending circles. Thanks again for posting!
That’s right, Leah.
If we don’t bring these voices/patterns to full consciousness, they repeat in an endless cycle. The infamous Uroboros — the snake eating its own tail.
I’ve spent MANY hours reading and making copious notes on so many of your guides. And I love them. This is the first one that fell a tad short ( for me anyway) since I’m definitely an “Achiever”. It didn’t seem to help me be a bit more lazy. BUT thank you so much for all this wonderful material you share. As I indicated, I’ve made copious notes which I review and STRIVE to ingest.