How to Adopt the Middle Way on the Road to Mastery

OVERVIEW: What is the Middle Way? What benefits does it provide? And how does this contrast with the concept of “living with passion”? 

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I became obsessed with Tony Robbins’ seminars and audio programs in the early 1990s.

He ended each session by saying, “Live with passion!”

Many of us seek passion in our work, relationships (romance), and life itself. Being passionate is a sign of success for many of us.

The long-term effects of seeking passion if you’re paying attention, however, aren’t too impressive. Seeking passion in a relationship can lead to breakups and divorce. Passion in our work can lead to burnout.

Pursuing passions in life itself can bring us to a state of flatness or meaninglessness over time.

Why? What’s going on here? And what’s the alternative to passion that can provide us with what we’re looking for?

Let’s dive in …

The Mental Program Called Passion

Passion is a lot like excitement. When we’re young, for example, we expect to be excited about our work and family life.

While we might have both passion and excitement when we start a new job or a new business venture, these emotions don’t last.

Our emotions often swing to the opposite pole over time. The result is that we become disinterested, uninspired, or depressed.

The same goes for relationships: we might be passionate and excited about our partner in the early stages, but that passion is short-lived.

It all comes down to a belief—a basic program running in our internal operating system.

The program says you’re supposed to live with passion and be excited about life.

This program isn’t running in everyone’s mind, however. Certain cultures have it more than others. It seems most pervasive in American culture, largely driven by the media (Hollywood).

How the Passion Program Gets Installed

Our parents installed this program when we were infants.

They get us excited about eating certain foods, going on a trip, or receiving presents on birthdays and holidays.

Parents often assume that when their children are excited, they’re doing a good job.

They don’t realize they are installing a program in the child’s brain that leads to unnecessary suffering.

If you believe you’re supposed to feel passion and excitement about your work and relationships, you will be unhappy when it dwindles.

You’ll think something’s wrong. You may try to rekindle your passion. It might even work temporarily, but eventually, it fades.

The problem, however, isn’t the loss of passion and excitement.

The issue is we believe these emotions are desirable in the first place.

What’s Behind the Drive for Passion and Excitement?

The core reason we seek passion and excitement, from my observations, is fear. This fear lies largely beyond our awareness; we are mostly unconscious of it.

However, this fear influences our behaviors, actions, and decisions.

Let’s examine this fear. By bringing this fear to our emotional awareness, it will have less influence on our mindset and behavior.

The fear behind passion and excitement has at least three expressions.

1 – Fear of Boredom

Our brains seem to crave stimulation. Thanks to television, the Internet, and video games, children have become accustomed to a constant stream of stimulation.

Today, over-stimulation is considered “normal.” It’s as if we’re all adrenaline junkies now.

The challenge is that instead of appeasing our desires, stimulation increases our appetite for them.

Once constant stimulation becomes our set point, without it, we get bored. (It’s like coming down from a “high.”) And we all have an aversion to feeling this boredom.

Ultimately, the problem here is that we haven’t learned how to settle and stabilize our internal energy.

2 – Fear of Laziness

Many people are terrified of their lazy part. We know how easy it is to lose our motivation.

If we don’t have passion or excitement, we fear our lazy part will dominate us.

Then, we will lose our drive to work and “be productive members of society.”

The problem here is that we haven’t learned how to make friends with laziness.

3 – Fear of Meaninglessness

This existential fear is deeply rooted. Some people can easily connect to this fear; others can not.

But because we fear that our lives have no meaning, a lack of excitement can trigger a sense of inner angst, apathy, despair, and/or existential depression.

Most people will do anything to avoid these feelings.

Most often, the problem here is that we have aborted self-actualization and have stepped off our growth path.

These three fears drive us to blindly seek passion, excitement, success, and even happiness—without end.

Ultimately, if we observe ourselves carefully, this drive brings us the opposite of what we want.

The Middle Way: The Alternative to Passion

Modern people aren’t the first ones to wrestle with passion, excitement, and stimulation.

In antiquity, great thinkers like Aristotle and Confucius sought to define the “Good life.”

Four cardinal virtues arose across ancient Greece, Rome, India, and China:

1. Justice
2. Courage
3. Wisdom
4. Moderation

While these four virtues are interconnected, the solution to passion, excitement, and stimulation is moderation.

The virtue of moderation means doing nothing in excess; nothing carried to extremes; nothing pushed so far it becomes harmful to ourselves or others.

What is the Middle Way?

In Buddhist philosophy, this virtue of moderation is called the Middle Way, or the Middle Path.

In the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta, considered the first teaching of the Buddha after his awakening, the Buddha describes the Noble Eightfold Path.

This Noble Eightfold Path is the Middle Way.

In the Middle Way, we aren’t pulled by attraction or pushed by aversion. We avoid the extremes of sensual indulgence and self-punishment.

We avoid excessiveness and scarcity. We operate via moderation.

The Middle Way

The Archetypes of Extremes

In the language of archetypes, the Middle Way represents the center between two archetypal patterns:

1. The Hedonist is in a continuous pursuit of pleasure and indulgence.
2. The Masochist is in constant need of pain and punishment.

These archetypal forces are within the collective psyche. That is, they reside within each of us.

By holding to the Middle Way, we avoid going to extremes and activating these behavioral patterns within us.

Before Approaching the Middle Way

How do you overcome the belief in passion as a way of life?

First, we need to accept the above-outlined fears that drive us to seek passion in the first place.

Overcoming Boredom

Is boredom so horrible?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be completely bored?

If you go through the initial discomfort, you’ll discover a sense of contentment most people rarely experience.

Accepting Laziness

Most of us avoid laziness too. Do you ever allow yourself to be lazy without any shame or guilt?

If you’re committed to personal development, it’s not usually an easy task.

Parents, teachers, and the entire self-improvement industry have shamed our lazy part.

But it’s just a part of us. If you allow it to be, it will let go. If you repress it, this laziness will fester inside you and grow.

Embracing Meaninglessness

Our fear of meaninglessness is rooted in a reality that existential philosophers like Friedrich Nietzsche articulated over a century ago.

To summarize: Despite our varying attempts with mythology, there is NO grand universal meaning. We have infinite choices, and none of these options mean anything on the grand scale.

Instead, as humanistic psychology articulated, we can create our meaning. We make up for ourselves.

Meaninglessness is only a problem if you perceive it to be one.

Similar to the fear of boredom or laziness, experiencing a sense of meaninglessness and angst is simply a part of psychological development. It’s often experienced as a “mid-life crisis” or “existential crisis.”

For additional perspectives, see Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

The Plateau on the Road to Mastery

Take a current project like your business, a creative endeavor, or a new skill you’re developing.

If this project is new, you may feel passion or excitement. You might stay up late and get up early to work on it.

Eventually, however, you’ll hit a snag.

On the path of self-mastery, this is often called a plateau.

Your momentum comes to a halt and all progress stops. Apathy might set in.

You get discouraged, which leads to procrastination and distraction (stimulation) to avoid feeling bored.

How to Adopt the Middle Way

Visualize a continuum with boredom/laziness at the far left and passion/excitement at the far right (see the above image).

What’s in the middle?

Moderation and steadiness are the antidotes to passion.

Moderation allows you to abide in the Middle Way each day without needing a “high” to keep you going.

In the Center, you aren’t passionate or excited; you’re neutral, calm, alert, and clear. You are active and ready, not anxious or hyper.

Some people mistakenly think neutrality is negative as if it represents listlessness, deadness, or voidness. This is simply not true.

The state of neutrality is what allows spontaneity instead of contrivance. Neutrality allows us to conserve our energy instead of “leaking” it through passion or stagnating it from apathy.

From this neutral space, slowly and incrementally, you can achieve virtually anything without over-exertion.

I know, it’s not sexy. But it works, and it’s sustainable throughout our lives.

Should You Kill Your Passion?

Of course not. When passion arises, ride it like a wave.

Just know that it’s fleeting; don’t expect it to last.

This way, when the wave dissipates, you’re not left out at sea without fuel in your motor engine.

The engine is in you, moving slowly and steadily toward whatever your aim may be.

If you place your awareness on what you’re doing at the moment—holding to the Center—you don’t need or want passion.

The Middle Way Supports Self-Cultivation

The main problem with passion is that it causes us to leak our energy. It leads to depletion.

Stagnating our energy via apathy or depression is equally troublesome.

Both approaches will reduce our vitality over time.

But by staying in the Middle Way of the Center, we preserve our internal vitality.

With steadiness, you can maintain your focus and attention for far longer.

This focus and attention can be applied to something external (professional, personal) or internal (inner work, contemplation). That’s up to you.

Pay closer attention to what’s going on, inside and out. Notice what happens to your vitality when you’re engaged in stimulation (especially how you feel afterward).

Then, contrast this experience with how you feel when you stay steady within yourself.

That’s how you can begin cultivating a sustainable source of fuel within you.

The Power of Wu Wei

In Taoism, they have a principle called Wu Wei, which often translates to nondoing, nongoverning, or nonaction.

Wu Wei isn’t about doing nothing or avoiding things. Instead, the principle of Wu Wei is about naturalness.

In a state of Wu Wei, one remains empty so that the ego isn’t exerting itself (depleting energy or chi).

When the ego exerts itself by “trying,” it does something unnatural, which invariably leads to internal tension.

We’re all accustomed to internal tensions. One way or another, most of us are battling with ourselves every day.

Without internal tensions, for example, shadow work happens naturally.

Without tension, we go through the four stages of learning any skill without difficulty.

While in the state of Wu Wei, we forgo the internal battles by entering a state of allowing.

It’s a powerful principle that anyone can benefit from if applied.

The Middle Way: Accomplishing More by Doing Less

Did you ever hear you should give 110% of your effort? From my understanding, this is a harmful concept.

You can’t give 110% without depleting yourself at a rapid rate. It’s unsustainable and destructive to our biology and mental energy.

In Qigong, an ancient system for cultivating energy in the body, they teach the principle of moderation.

Some instructors suggest performing various exercises at 70% of your capacity.

Why? Because trying too hard creates internal tension. It causes the ego to revolt.

Exercising at 70% enables you to focus and make purposeful movements without tensing your muscles.

This principle enables Qigong practitioners to maintain their health into old age without burnout, disease, or physical pain we generally associate with aging.

For inspiration, check out this two-minute video of a 118-year-old grandmaster performing an internal martial art called Bagua:

So consider:

How can you apply the principle of moderation to your life, work, relationships, and internal practices right now? 

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