Most workplace conflicts can be avoided by applying a little more spirit and a little less ego. Humans are hard wired to be self-serving, but successful communication requires graciousness.

Life is often challenging. Most of us have inner and outer turmoil. As bestselling novelist Andy Andrews always says, we’re either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or heading for a crisis. We can call it the human dilemma.

So if you want to be a person of influence and an effective communicator, you need to focus on others instead of yourself. Is it easy? Not usually, but you can train the self-interested ego to behave, allowing the gracious self to take over. Then your relationships transform.

Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People provides expert principles to help you communicate more effectively by focusing on others instead of yourself. Here are several people-winning principles he identified:

Begin in a friendly way. Whenever possible, begin with praise and honest communication. Smile and be inviting and open instead of serious and demanding.

Give honest and sincere appreciation. How often do you offer genuine appreciation to your co-workers versus the times you criticize and condemn them?

Become genuinely interested in others. Learn to ask thoughtful questions that will show your interest in others.

Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely. Operate by the principle that you gain more influence by raising people up than by knocking them down.

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Learn to value the positive instead of hunting for the negative. It’s easy to see what’s wrong—everybody can do that. A skilled individual finds the optimistic and positive perspective.

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Remember, everyone is self-interested. Your job isn’t to change this, but to use it to your advantage in gaining influence in a benign, supportive way.

None of these principles are mind blowing or radically new. But they are rarely practiced consistently—except by the masters of influence and the leaders of change.

Related posts:

1. The Greatest Secret to Effective Communication
2. How-Tos Versus Principles
3. Six Principles for Effective Feedback

There’s nothing inherently wrong with how-to information. Classic self-improvement guides like How to Win Friends and Influence People can transform your life—if you apply what it says.

The problem with how-tos and step-by-step strategies is that they tend to strip out context. One person’s (or company’s) recipe for success may not work for someone else. For example, if Microsoft tried to copy the artistic style and elegance of Apple products, it would fail. Why? Context. Apple’s DNA is different than Microsoft’s, with a unique culture, talent and strategic partnerships that support design-centric innovations. Any strategy Apple uses to develop products works for Apple; it may or may not work for your company.

The alternative to trying to capitalize on tips and how-tos is to focus on principles. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People offers many tips on how to build relationships, but the power of the book is that each chapter is illustrating a specific principle. There are 30 chapters and 30 principles. Ultimately, the book is founded on a single, guiding principle: Focus on others instead of yourself if you want to win friends and influence people.

Principles are timeless and effective at achieving long-term results and inner fulfillment. Once you understand, adopt and integrate a new principle into your life, your mind will find ways to utilize it in your daily business and personal interactions.

In addition to Carnegie’s classic text, Og Mandino’s The Greatest Salesman in the World and Andy Andrews’ The Traveler’s Gift offer powerful principles to help increase your success and happiness in life.

Even when you read an article on how someone else made it work, look for the underlying principles that led to their success. It takes a thoughtful Creative Professional to seek out and uncover the principles operating in the world around him.

Take great care and satisfaction in aligning to and living divinely-guided principles along your journey.

Related posts:

1. Six Principles for Effective Communication at Work
2. Six Principles for Effective Feedback
3. Power versus Force in Business

Different books are appropriate for different people at different stages of development. But if you’re interested in self-improvement, the following books will likely serve you well:

As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

English essayist James Allen expounds on the power of our thoughts to influence and shape the environment around us. Allen’s moving prose can be read over and over.

.

.

.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Carnegie’s classic on how to interact with others should be on everyone’s must-read list. This mega-bestseller offers practical advice on how to effectively approach communication with others, emphasizing the importance of focusing on the other person’s needs instead of your own.

.

.

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Hill’s study of the principles of success elucidates the elements one can master in order to build wealth. The chapter on “Autosuggestion” is excellent and highly useful.

.

.

.

.

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

Carnegie provides easy-to-apply advice and clear perspectives to help you live worry-free.

.

.

.

The Greatest Salesmen in the World by Og Mandino

This short, inspirational classic should be read until it’s lived. Follow the instructions and read the scrolls daily. Everyone I know who did this is living a remarkable life.

.

.

The Traveler’s Gift: Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success by Andy Andrews

In a similar spirit to Mandino’s Greatest Salesmen, Andy Andrews’ New York Times bestseller is quickly becoming a modern classic. The main character is swept up into a metaphysical adventure where he meets seven influential historical figures like Harry Truman and Abraham Lincoln at critical moments of decision. Read the Seven Decisions daily, and reap the benefits. (There’s also a nonfiction version titled Mastering the Seven Decisions of Personal Success.)

Read these personal growth classics well. Live the principles they contain and you will grow as a consequence.

Related posts:

1. How-Tos Versus Principles