Understanding the mechanism of psychological projection is vital for anyone engaged in inner work and psychological development.
Let’s dive in …
What is Psychological Projection?
Psychological projection is the process of displacing one’s emotions, impulses, or qualities on another person, animal, or object.
In psychoanalysis, projection is one of the standard “ego defense mechanisms” outlined by Sigmund Freud. In Freudian projection, one displaces their negative feelings and impulses onto another person.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung and other Jungians like his protege Marie-Louise von Franz expanded the definition of projection to include anything disowned within ourselves (not just negative feelings).
von Franz explains:1Marie-Louise von Franz, Projection and Re-collection in Jungian Psychology, 1980, 3.
“Thus Jung defined projection as an unconscious, that is, unperceived and unintentional, transfer of subjective psychic elements onto an outer object.”
That is, we don’t just project negative things about ourselves. We project anything unknown to us. Projection can be negative or positive.
We’ll focus on this more expansive understanding of psychological projection—especially positive projection—in this guide.
Psychological Projection Example
von Franz offers a common example of projection in Projection and Re-collection in Jungian Psychology:
When the son grows up, if the son experiences his father as a tyrant, he will project tyranny on all authority figures including his doctor or boss.
Worst still, as a grown-up, the son will become tyrannical.
So not only does the person project a “memory-image” of his tyrannical father onto others, but he embodies the same qualities of this memory-image.
The final litmus test for this type of psychological projection is if someone points out to the individual that he’s behaving tyrannically, the person will completely deny it and go on the offensive.
That is, the individual is unconscious (unaware) of his behavior and his projection.
This type of psychological projection takes place virtually every day. Catching our projections and recollecting is an essential aspect of doing shadow work.
The Origins of Psychological Projection
Essentially, it goes like this:
Starting in early childhood, we begin psychically cutting off parts of ourselves.
We separate from the best parts of ourselves like courage, generosity, and compassion.
We also sometimes disown many of our worst parts like envy, pettiness, and rage.
We cut off from anything that we can’t find a way to integrate and harmonize within us.
In so doing, we divorce ourselves from anything that doesn’t get acceptance or approval from our environment including our parents, teachers, family, and friends.
In the animated film Inside Out, the creatives at Pixar illustrated these disowned parts and lost memories as balls dumped into a dark abyss. An aspect of the personality, in this case, Joy, had to go on a dangerous adventure to access these lost parts.
Scene from Pixar’s Inside Out
How Psychological Projection Works
But we can’t really cut off parts of ourselves. Where are they going to go?
All of these qualities get packed away into what Jung calls the shadow. Once these qualities are in our shadow, we become fully unaware of them.
And so, because we can’t easily identify these qualities within us, our minds project them out onto others.
When you get irritated at your colleague’s selfishness at work, you are observing his selfishness. But, most often, your irritation is often a result of not owning your selfishness.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t get irritated. You would see your colleague’s selfishness and immediately acknowledge the selfish part in you. (Because we are all mirrors of each other.)
Bullies can only exist because they have projected their insecurities and weaknesses onto other people. Bullies hate weakness and fearfulness because they have disowned their weakness, fear, and insecurities.
Strong emotional triggers are generally the clearest sign that we’re engaged in projection.
Hero Worship is a Psychological Projection
But we don’t only cut ourselves off from negative attributes in childhood. We also divorce ourselves from many positive qualities.
We often project our greatest potential and possibilities onto other people too.
This object of our projection then becomes a larger-than-life character to us.
Our culture is ripe with this kind of psychological projection. We often call it “hero worship” and it happens in every field, family, school, and office.
Hero Worship Example
Let’s say you’re an aspiring public speaker. You follow the work of your favorite speaker carefully.
Sometimes you idolize him, hanging on his every word. You admire his effortless calm and confidence on stage.
Here too, you are projecting. You have disowned your confident part and have identified with a more anxious, fearful part of yourself. If not, you wouldn’t be in awe of him.
Instead, you would notice this speaker’s insecurity behind his confident facade. That is, you would see him not as a hero, but as a fellow human being.
The difference between this speaker and you is mainly that he’s putting forth effort to be on that stage.
He may be honest with his insecurity or he may be deceiving himself. Either way, his insecurity is there. And if you don’t see it, it’s only because you are projecting.
The truth is that we are all projecting onto others much of the time.
Idiologizing Celebrities is a Psychological Projection
Many people do this with celebrities.
To them, people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are like royalty. Others project onto musical artists or star athletes.
Business people often do this with “titans” of industry like Richard Branson or Elon Musk. They fail to see that these individuals are showing their public personas—they represent archetypes, not humans.
These figures become “superhuman” to those who project onto them. They are blinded by PR headlines and unable to see them as highly flawed human beings.
Self-improvement enthusiasts might project onto figures like Tony Robbins or Tim Ferriss. They may see them as productivity machines, fearless, efficient, and/or masterful.
Spiritual seekers project their best selves onto people like Eckhart Tolle or the Dalai Lama.
In every field, there are numerous characters that legions of people project their best selves onto.
Cults abound … everywhere.
Psychological Projection is Happening All The Time
But we don’t just project our best qualities (“positive projection”) onto celebrity figures.
We also project onto our spouses, our friends, our professional colleagues, and even our neighbors.
The problem isn’t that we project onto others. This is arguably a normal and healthy process in our development.
The challenge comes when we don’t recollect our projections and reintegrate our latent potential.
Sometimes these projections break, especially when scandals enter the public’s eye.
How many people were shocked at Tiger Woods’ infidelity? “How could a fine, upstanding athlete consistently cheat on his wife?”
Only by way of psychological projection can such a question arise.
Breaking Psychological Projections
I projected my inner gold onto various “self-help gurus” and spiritual teachers in my 20s and early 30s.
Each time, I raised these figures high above me. Their character, capabilities, attributes, and achievements were so far beyond what was possible for me that I could only be in awe of them.
However, because of my professional role, I often found myself “backstage” and “behind the scenes” with many of these celebrity types. I gained access to the information beyond their public personas.
Having this type of access helped me break these projections. In each case, I slowly learned more about the “real person” behind their social mask.
Each time, I was shocked, then confused, then rageful. I didn’t understand what was happening. The disillusionment was difficult. I felt betrayed. Tricked. Hoodwinked. But that’s because, at the time, I didn’t understand how psychological projection works.
My disillusionment was because I was projecting my latent potential onto them.
Again, recollecting your projections is an integral part of getting to know your shadow.
Why We Engage in Positive Projection
Here are three reasons we often project our best qualities onto others:
These positive attributes conflict with our conscious identity.
This is what we call the “positive shadow” (discussed below).
For example, maybe you have latent internal strength, a keen mind, or a caring heart.
These qualities might conflict with your current behavior and how you see yourself. Remember, your current behavior was conditioned by your early environment—parents, teachers, kids at school, and so on.
Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance. The mind doesn’t like this ambiguity and confusion.
In this case, your mind doesn’t know what to do with these positive qualities or how to relate to them because they conflict with your current self-identity.
When we don’t know how to bring these positive qualities back into us, our mind is left with only one option: project it out onto another.
Owning these positive qualities is an awesome responsibility.
The phrase made famous by Marvel comic creator Stan Lee explains this well: “With great power, comes great responsibility.”2https://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/07/23/great-power/
Psychologists consider projection to be a “defense mechanism.” We do it to keep us safe and in the known. Reclaiming our projections—good and bad—is unknown and therefore, it feels unsafe.
We often shy away from this responsibility because it means being accountable.
What if we hold these awesome powers? What if we fail to actualize these latent potentials?
But more importantly, it means we have no one to blame but ourselves. It means no one from our past or present is the determinant of our future character and behavior.
This, if you look at it deeply, can be terrifying to the part of us that resists growth, as psychologist Abraham Maslow noted in Toward a Psychology of Being.
As Jung often noted, self-reliance is an important value in those who individuate. With self-reliance, this responsibility is perceived as an essential aspect of life.
We have a fixed mindset.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on success has revealed that we hold either a fixed or growth mindset (or mixed).3Carol Dweck, Mindset.
With a fixed mindset, we believe our intelligence and abilities are static. This leads to a desire to look smart and a tendency to feel threatened by the success of others.
In contrast, with a growth mindset, we understand that intelligence and abilities can be developed. This leads to a desire to learn and a tendency to find lessons and inspiration in the success of others.
With a growth mindset, you are destined to actualize more and more of your latent potential, giving you a greater sense of free will.
With a fixed mindset, you tend to plateau early in life and abort your self-actualization.
That is, with a fixed mindset, you will always project your potential onto others and never put forth the effort to actualize it within yourself.
With a fixed mindset, you envy the success of others. With a growth mindset, the success in others teaches and inspires you to realize more of your potential.
Only with a growth mindset can you reclaim the best stuff in you.
Discovering Your Inner Gold
Most of our potential is hidden from us.
We aren’t conscious of what we are truly capable of—our innate strengths, drive, discipline, latent talents, courage, and creativity.
Jungian author Robert Johnson aptly calls our untapped potential “inner gold.”
He writes in Inner Gold: Understanding Psychological Projection:
Inner gold is the highest value in the human psyche. It is our soul, the Self, the innermost part of our being. It is us at our best, our twenty-four-karat gift to ourselves. Everyone has inner gold. It isn’t created, but it does have to be discovered.
Inner gold is another term we can use for our positive shadow.
In How to Be An Adult, psychologist David Richo explains:
To integrate the positive Shadow is to acknowledge our own untapped potential behind the awe we have of others. We begin to acknowledge and to release from within ourselves the very talents and qualities we admired in others.
Recollecting Our Projections is a Natural Process
Psychological projection is a natural process in childhood. In an ideal environment, I believe we would all reclaim our projections in early adulthood.
We would naturally grow into strong, highly capable, mature adults with innate abilities beyond our imagination.
But the reality is different and most of us project our inner gold onto others throughout our lives.
Again from Robert Johnson’s Inner Gold:
Generally, we don’t exchange gold well, and much of our depression and loneliness revolves around misunderstanding this exchange. We run around in a state of guilt. I’m a failure. This isn’t working. What are they going to think of me?
But when you understand the transmission of gold, you can honor it and not feel guilty. You know something indirect is taking place. You can sense it, but you can’t possess it yet. Just try to remember that it’s your gold that is being held by whomever or whatever. Knowing this gives you a certain dignity, which we all desperately need.
As long as our inner gold is being tossed about, we can not embody our true creative gifts. The pervasiveness of this problem is difficult to appreciate.
“We barely understand how much of what we perceive in others and the outside world are actually parts of ourselves,” Johnson writes.
How to Reclaim Your Inner Gold
Half of the battle of reclaiming your inner gold is simply becoming conscious that you’re projecting parts of yourself onto others.
Johnson writes:
“Please observe the energy investments you make. The exchange of inner gold is occurring all the time. Try to be conscious of it … We need to create new language and new ways for increasing our awareness.”
Only with awareness can you recollect your psychological projections.
Now, here’s a process you can use to reclaim more of your inner gold and make meaningful changes to your personality.
Step 1: Center Yourself
With any internal process, it’s important to first collect yourself, steady your mind, and hold to the Center within you.
Step 2: Take Inventory
Think of someone you admire or envy. Make a list of qualities or attributes you admire or envy about them. Choose one to work on first.
Step 3: Envision Your Future Self
Envision what it would look like if you embodied that quality right now in your work, relationships, and emotional attitudes.
Step 4: Describe the Changes
Describe in your journal how embodying this quality can change your life. If, for example, you’re working with the quality of persistence you admire in someone, write down how your life will transform when you reclaim this power.
Step 5: Brainstorm Action Steps
Brainstorm a list of things you can do each day to strengthen that dimension of yourself as if you are strengthening a new muscle.
Step 6: Act As If
Finally, “act as if.” Act as if you already possess this quality, as if it’s already an integral part of you.
As David Richo writes,
“At first this means ‘acting as if’ but soon we act with ease and even more of our hidden powers become accessible to us.”
Through your effort, grace will come. Through this conscious process, you will become more of yourself each day.
Books About Psychological Projection
Here are the titles that inspired this guide on psychological projection:
Inner Gold: Understanding Psychological Projection by Robert A. Johnson
I highly recommend Inner Gold. It’s a fast read; only 76 pages. Johnson has a gift for communicating complex psychological ideas in easy-to-understand prose. Inner Gold is one of my picks for the 36 best books on psychology. (Richo’s book below is on the list too.)
How To Be An Adult by David Richo
Projection and Re-Collection in Jungian Psychology by Marie-Louise von Franz
What do you think?
Leave your thoughts, questions, and comments below:
It helps. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Amy.
Scott, very profound concepts communicated with clarity, good examples and personal experiences. These are difficult topics to write about in an understandable manner for people to put into action and you accomplished this. Thanks for making this contribution!
Brad, thank you for the comments. Glad you found the material useful.
Scott, I always like to read your short topic reviews. I find what you write interesting, provocative and stimulating …. a catalyst towards more personal growth. Thank you.
Pete
That’s great to hear, Peter. I try to keep topics like this as interesting as possible.
I noticed some people tend to project ‘good qualities’ onto awful people. They’ll see ethical and altruistic behavior where there is none in that person who is quite literally the epitome of fear, avarice, anger and spite. It seems the folks projecting are projecting their own personal values onto the other individual and doing so undeservingly. I can’t figure how the mirror works here, are they just hoping/wanting it to be true because that awful person happens to be the CEO / Boss / or Pastor? I honestly do not see the negative qualities in many of those projecting positive traits onto people who do not have those traits.
The question is: Is there any way to disrupt this type of projection from the outside? You know, without potential head injury and locking them up for a highly questionable deprogramming session.
Chris, what I’ve come to observe within myself doing this kind of inner work, is that any time I try to focus on “fixing” someone other than myself, it’s always because there’s something I don’t want to address within myself.
We are all projecting all the time — positive qualities, negative qualities, and everything in between. Until we own our innocent and stupid parts, we will always be manipulated. Until we know our inner manipulator, we will continue to trick others (and not even know it).
We are often fooled by those in positions of authority because we listen to their words instead of observing their actions and behaviors. If we only watched their subtle and not-so-subtle actions and behaviors and ignored their words, we would not be so easily deceived.
This was an answer I had been looking for.
Little chance of that Chris. Human nature I’m afraid. The average human thankfully has very few experiences with truly awful people. There are very few of them. Most of us are indeed good people and can and will extend blind trust to others. This may be somewhat naive but without it society would be in serious decay. It is getting there no because the insane are now taking over the asylum/farm. In childhood we had to naively trust people in our helplessness and are used to caring authority figures having our best interest in mind. This was a comforting feeling many do not want to let go of even in adulthood so they subconsciously accept a new parental relationship e.g. the state. See how much fear the fall of socialism caused many who outsourced their life support to the state and its (inept and corrupt) authority figures and suddenly had to take responsibility for their own existence… It literally created a vacuum, anxiety. We grow up in an authority led regime and think it is normal and are easily fooled into believing that someone has the rights to control others (of course for the common good of the family. Any alternative system would be regarded as absurd or extreme by most. So that projection comes naturally.
My observations shows that a) wherever there is a social hierarchy (work, any organisation) it attracts psychopathic control freaks, hence their concentration in them is extreme and you will not be permitted to rise in a serious hierarchy without such traits and being compromised. b) your worst expectations about these people are likely exceeded by reality. A big number of them are not just regularly awful characters but truly evil con-men to the core with a smile, an expensive suit and PR agency. What they are capable of is truly beyond human. Any kind of preventative system to weed out such people in an organisation would quickly be circumvented. Projection is also a reason why there is rarely ever any consideration to attribute current developments to any evil intents, it is simply unthinkable to most. Only knowledge of these facts will enlighten you and they surely won’t teach this in school. Realisation of this is part of a slow, uncomfortable awakening process.
Mike
I needed this!
You are one of the ONLY people who I am subscribed to that I create time to read all of your emails. You even have your own folder!!! I appreciate the depth yet relatability you bring to your focuses. Thank you so much!
Thank you for the comment, Heather. That’s really wonderful to hear. I’m honored.
Nice article Scott, I thought the Shadow was just the “dark” side of the unconscious, which I found hard to integrate to myself, but now this inner gold or positive shadow brings a new world of possibilities. Just one question, it´s really challenging integrating the inner gold, but what about the shadow I project, what to do when the subject (me in this case) identifies that projection? Thanks and congratulations, keep on going.
Joz, I’m not sure what you’re asking: “what about the shadow I project, what to do when the subject (me in this case) identifies that projection?” Please clarify.
I mean, the projection of the positive shadow (inner gold) gets integrated, but what about the projection of the “dark shadow”. When I realize I’m projecting the dark side of myself, that should be integrated/ accepted or how should I work it out?
It’s the same in either direction. When you catch your projections, you recollect them. Once you identify these qualities — positive or negative — within yourself, you’ll no longer project them outward. Or, at least, you will do so less frequently.
Thank you very much sir, new in your site but eager to learn a lot about Jungian psychology. See ya
Great summary, as always. I love your work and the style you put it together! Great learnings for me, as usual. THANK YOU
Thank you, Michael. I appreciate your comments.
Thank you so much for sharing this information. You have taken complex ideas and made them understandable and relatable. Great work!! Extremely helpful.
Thank you, Cynthia. You concisely described what I’m attempting to do! Glad you found this guide helpful.
I’ve been looking for practical ways to “integrate dark and light shadows” and so grateful I came across your work here. Thanks for all the effort. Look forward to getting started
You’re welcome, Davina. Enjoy the material.
Thanks Scott every part of me is growing in joy with every find and read of your beautifully expressed wisdom . As I do your exercises I am finding , I am light and dark and many shades of grey , all this is combined with laughter joy and a great sense of fun as I at last give myself permission to be one whole self , monkeys and all ?
That’s good, Michelle. Although be careful in making “joy” the outcome. There are many aspects of inner work that don’t evoke positivity of any kind. The goal, in my understanding, is “okayness” — not light or dark, joy or depression.
I appreciate this comment and reminder about “okay ness”.
Hey its me i dont know where to turn but if u offer genuine true help to better life guided ill accept any real help
Turn towards yourself. Always. Stop turning outward and turn inward. You can use these guides for assistance too.
Great information. I am just learning more about this inner gold. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Phyllis. Enjoy.
this has helped me more than you could ever know. thank you
That’s great, J. You’re most welcome!
really appreciate your regular emails Scott, they are so often full of deep and useful insights, thanks for all the effort you put in to share them
Sure thing, Richard. Thank you for the kind words!
Thank you for the crisp content. Your work has helped me immensely and I am truly grateful.
You’re most welcome, Yuvrani.
Love this info Scott, already on the path to finding the inner self almost there but now I have a path. Great inspiration. TY so much.
Sure thing, Susan. Enjoy the pathless path, as Joseph Campbell would say.
Here’s something that worked for me. My father sent me a nasty and arrogant e-mail. I realized that he wouldn’t be nasty and arrogant unless he thought I was treating him that way. I thought I had been respectful to him, but in my reply, I said that I now realized that I was being arrogant and I apologized to him for my nastiness. It worked! He accepted my apology with “It’s okay” and we moved on. But, more importantly I learned that even when I think I am being respectful, he felt I was stealing some of his spotlight. (Another thing I do, too.) So, if you are angry or hurt by someone, try owning the exact thing you think they are guilty of.
I’m not sure I understand. I get irritated by people that throw litter on the highway. I don’t throw litter on the road. What part of me am I not claiming?
Reclaiming your inner gold (this article) is about owning the best aspects of yourself — so this litter example wouldn’t apply.
However, in this example, getting irritated with littering is one thing. But consider what you think of the person who litters. What judgments do you make about the litter?
For example, so inconsiderate, insensitive, primitive, destructive, ignorant, etc.
If those judgments carry an emotional charge with them, then they represent aspects of your shadow awaiting to be re-owned.
I suffered a mental breakdown in my twenties &gradually the world became a intimately dangerous place after that.I was paranoid and was convinced as I listened to the world around me that “I” was being noticed. What I listened to was judgements about me, good ,bad,indifferent but why was it all about me.I rationalized it away;I’m just crazy.Is it something else?
It’s difficult to say for certain, Scott. But from the level of the unconscious, we all have judgments and evaluations about everyone we see. The more psychic you become, the more you can “hear” these judgments.
And according to Dr. Lee Sanella, a lot of psychotic episodes are a result of an increase in kundalini/psychic energy. (See his “The Kundalini Experience: Psychosis or Transcendence”)
So it’s difficult to say …
Thank you for your reply scott,I appreciate the help.Maybe I should read Dr Sanella’s book
You’re welcome, Scott!
Thanks so much for sharing – I was literally just talking about this with my husband about a problem I’ve been having with a fellow co-worker, but I didn’t know how to language it in these terms. The synchronicity of me reading this now already makes me feel better!
Sure thing, Nancy. Yes, having the language about these things certainly can help!
Thanks didn’t know this.but now I know. I can be aware of what and why my capabilities are and my own weakness and my own strengths.
You’re welcome, Mia.
Thank you for helping me to disolver my inner conflict, thank you for such helpful and kind information
You’re most welcome, Rose. Great to hear the information was helpful for you!
This is a great write-up. I commend it highly as it will help develop individual life and our society generally.
Thank you, Patrick.
amazing
Thankyou very much for this content. It has helped me in many ways and I’m finally able to solve many of my inner conflicts. I can understand myself better because the content here is so relatable. I really appreciate your efforts.
That’s great to hear, Nisha!
Awesome. Thank you.
Inner Gold is Marvelous, inspiring, great help for growth mindset people like me, an Excellent guide to enhance my creativity and Innovation. Thank you , Jazaak Allaawhu.
Thank you for the feedback!
I think I want to reclaim my inner gold. I really had no clue but always admired the art of understanding the inner workings of the mind. It seems you have helped me to understand one more thing – another productive day.
Hey, it’s Kelly again. I was just going through the comments and was intrigued by the response you gave to the person who thought he had a mental breakdown. I actually went through what I thought was a mental breakdown in 2017 as a result of trauma to my emotions, mind, spirit, and body. I think that I am just awakening and regret not already being. What is the state of my psyche?
Hi Kelly. I’m not able to assess the state of your psyche. Only you are in a position to do so.
We all have trauma. We all have lots of unhealthy conditioning and programming. We all “breakdown” from time to time given the right conditions.
The question for you to answer (to yourself): Overall, are you moving closer to your Self or further away?
I apologize but knew you could not assess my psyche that was supposed to be rhetorical. Again, I do apologize for my wording. I am definitely moving closer to Self. I guess it took all the trauma to jolt me into acting. I appreciate your knowledge and have enjoyed reading your works.
Thank you,
Kelly
Yes, Kelly, most often it does seem to take some kind of trauma — or at least the acknowledgment of that trauma — to lead us to question and self-reflect.
very helpful. Thank you so much Scott.
You’re welcome, Nidhi.
Good morning Scott, I AM in great appreciation of your knowledge and writing. Since I was a very little girl I just “knew” that I was one with all…that absolutely everything had an occult meaning. It “seems” that I had a chaotic childhood…that left very repressed emotions that seem to be very numb, where I cannot feel them.
Although I have studied a lot of occult teachings that have immensely improved my life… the physical body continues to be challenging. With dis ease due to an addictive behavior…that brings lethargy and undisciplined behaviors. With a tremendous amount of non stop self sabotage. It seems that I’m pretty “conscious” most of the time…but these blind spots continue to drag me.
You have a lot of information that applies, that I don’t know where to begin or in what order to address my specific consistent problem. If you can guide me, I would greatly appreciate it.
Unfortunately for the time being, financial resources are extremely scarce..I would not be able to afford any session with you. Luckily time I do seem to have. Thank You Kindly
M A
Thank you so much. This is something I need to invest time into
You’re welcome, Monty.
I have reading “Quora” and this Column,I was in a Relationship with a woman who I found out is a Narcissist, I’m an Empath, I didn’t know that what degree I was ,She is a Enlightened Spiritualist ,who was Abused Sexually as a Child and in Her Early Teens,She told me Her story as the Relationship grew, She spoke of Duality ,Now that I have Educated myself of Why She acted the Way she Did, I Understand and I have healed from Her ‘ Dark Triad’ that I didn’t Understand before, Thank you, For All I’m leaning from all of Info here.
Hi Scott,
Very interesting information. Enjoyed reading the article. I have a strong passionate interest in what makes me tick. There are a lot of influences out there that impact the human body, the mind, the heart, the soul in one way or another. A vulnerability to the whole array of life.
Questions I ask often, where am I amongst it all? Was that me whom just spoke or a projection deep within the recesses of the subconscious? I often catch myself after the fact of saying something or doing something, that took myself by surprise.
This absolutely fascinates me and have done many years of reading, practices toward discovery of my own human nature. Why is it I do what I do? Is it possible to be aware of impulses that drive my reactions before I actually act upon them? Yes it is! I have discovered. Its an exciting journey. So much there at my fingertips.
Love your work Scott. Thanks!
Susie
Great to hear, Susie. Enjoy!
This article is a key to the lock I had put on my life. Thanks.
Well worded, Swati. You’re welcome.
I really enjoyed reading this. While I was reading each step explaining how to gain our inner gold, I noticed that you said to “act as if”. However, I listened to podcast where the individual spoke about how “acting the part” is like putting a band-aid over our internal issues. I want to hear your perspective on that statement.
Context is the determining factor, Caitlyn.
Let’s say you feel insecure and you try to act confident when you don’t know why you feel insecure in the first place. In that context, you might say “acting as if” is a band-aid.
But let’s say you’re aware of your internal issues. Meaning, you know how you were mistreated at home or looked down upon at school. You can recall some of these early “origin stories” that produced the initial trauma.
You’ll still need to “act as if” in this second scenario because the feeling of insecurity is still there and you’ve been conditioned to feel that way your whole life. But now, with more consciousness of what’s going on, you can “act as if” in the face of your prior conditioning and begin to reclaim more of your inner gold.
Thank you so much. I understand now.
Hi Scott, does theses recommendations apply to physical projection and more specifically body dysmorphic disorder? I am bigorexique and in this case the “act has if” can be dangerous from health point of view. My ideal body cross the line of healthiness. I manage to accept the limits of my body and health. I am somehow accept my body. I still have difficulties managing my social relationship. I often found myself splited between two behavior: 1. Carefully creating a safe circle on which physical projection is not possible. yes, it’s about physical discrimination, avoiding a certain type of people not to project on them. or reversely 2. Seeking the friendship of people with whom projection is obvious. What is better for me?
Thank you so much for your wonderful work. It’s always a pleasure reading you.
Hi Patrick,
I’m not really understanding what you’re saying or asking.
Projection is a psychological mechanism.
Well I can’t believe this. Let me try explain you with an exemple in your article. People may like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie because they are intelligent, courageous, attentionate or creative. Most will like them because they are sexy and physically fit. They will envie them for their physic and perhaps want to be like them. They would project themselves in the physic of those stars.
Ok, it’s a phycological projection but based on physical comparisons.
Going back to your article:
“Think about someone you admire […]
Maybe their courage, their conviction, their charisma, their intelligence, their creativity, their talent. What’s the quality you admire most?”
Can’t it be simply their physic?
“They would project themselves in the physical of those stars.”
This is not what psychological projection is about.
To give you an illustration with regard to celebrities. The media uses celebrities as “authorities” or “experts” when interviewing them on critical life issues.
Yet, why would someone who can memorize lines from a script and repeat them in front of a camera be someone we view as an authority (knowledgable or wise) on issues like human rights (for example)?
Celebrities in modern culture hold the projections of royalty from — of kings, queens, and noblemen of old.
The issue you’re addressing — envying a celebrity like Brad Pitt because of his facial appearance, body, or sexual appeal — is not relevant to the topic of psychological projection.
Hi Scott, I understood your reasoning. Thanks again for your wonderful work.
Please, feel free deleting my comments since it is irrelevant to the topic.
No worries, Patrick. I’ll leave the comments in case someone else has a similar question.
Hi, Scott. Well this is way off topic, and possibly leading down a rabbit hole. I wasn’t sure where to post this comment. But I was curious of your thoughts on subtleties. I feel as though the most powerful “things” in life are the most subtle because they slip right by your consciousness to your subconscious. In many ways this could probably be brainwashing. There is the saying, “It’s the little things in life.” I don’t know.. To be honest, I was wondering if there was one little tiny thing I could do to change my entire perspective without even being aware of it, therefore permeating into the subconscious. Maybe a part of me is just looking for a short-cut. Anyways, I enjoy your articles and have already learned so much. Thank you. I know you’re not my therapist and maybe this is asking too much. I just couldn’t find much on the art of being subtle. Any literature you may be aware of would be sweet! Thanks again.
Hi Mandy,
I’m not sure I see a question here. You allude to one but you didn’t actually ask it as such.
Generally speaking, things go from the gross to the subtle. So to cut out the gross and go right to the subtle would be difficult.
For example, there are a lot of subtleties to playing golf well. But you can’t appreciate them until you invest time getting down the mechanics of your swing first.
You can read a lot about the subtleties, but it will be difficult to apply them to your swing in the beginning. In the beginning, your swing will be awkward as you don’t have the “muscle memory” and you’re thinking about many moving parts all at once.
You simply won’t be able to appreciate them because they won’t be part of your experience yet.
Subtleties are more appreciated as you reach the stage of “unconscious competence” in learning something.
You can read more about these stages here:
https://scottjeffrey.com/four-stages-of-learning/
Thanks very much for the great content!!!
what are the process of achieving my golds
I don’t understand your question, Peter.
awesome
Very great topic and summery, thank you much Scott.
This concept was totally new to me and I am sure it is helping me a lot. Cheers, Ehsan
You’re welcome, Ehsan.
Authenticity! Thank you! ?
thank you so much
The person that you put on a pedestal and hero-worship is the person that could be your mentor whether they are alive or dead, near or far away, available or not.
And this is normal to have a mentor when you’re starting out and aren’t able to hold your own light. But part of realizing true adulthood is to no longer place anyone on a pedestal and to recollect whatever you’re projecting out onto your mentor and bring it back into yourself.
And perhaps part of every mentor’s job is to show this light to the person being mentored. This is when inspiration arises. Over time, the mentee becomes a mentor to the next generation.
Yes, in a healthy mentor-mentee relationship, this is what would happen.
I would like to learn how to deal with a negative projection that someone puts on the object of their admiration. I believe this is done unconsciously to bring them down to earth so the two are on a level playing field.
For example, person A adores person B, but subconsciously doesn’t believe that he/she (person A) is good enough to be with person B. So, they will attempt to put down person B through criticism and actually telling person B that they are not good enough. Projecting the ‘not good enough’ from themselves to person B. How would you deal with that? Obviously, person A needs to raise their level of self-esteem rather than try to diminish person B. But how?
Looking forward to your reply.
Psychological development is about focusing on yourself (in terms of self-observation and self-regulation).
Inner work means examining where you’re projecting (up or down) and recollecting what you have projected.
It seems like the problem in the scenario that you’re raising is person A’s feeling of insecurity. This is partly the result of person A projecting up onto others. That is, this individual has given away his/her power to others. As such, the process outlined above can be helpful.
Ultimately, this is about getting to know your own shadow so that you become “okay” with yourself. Until then, we tend to project up (idolize) or project down (judge).
The shadow work should be required reading and practice for every adult. Many relationships are irreversibly damaged due to this problem.
Indeed. In fact, I think it’s accurate to say that virtually relationships are damaged because the vast majority of us are divorced from our shadow. However, naturally, it’s not a popular idea …
Hey Scott, I have noticed that a lot of your shadow comes from your childhood and the environment in which you were raised in. Do you have tips/places I can find information on how to raise a child the right way? Your work is beautiful and has helped me so much. Thank you.
-A Mother, always learning.
Hi Callie, the challenge with external parenting strategies is that they don’t really work. Most of our communication — especially with our children — is subconscious. Children absorb every suppressed and repressed emotion, attitude, and thought that we hold toward them and others. They are like psychic containers for what we can’t hold ourselves.
As such, to be a better parent requires a great deal of inner work (including getting to know and integrating your shadow). We transmit our trauma from one generation to the next in the absence of this psychological work. So to end the cycle requires us to end it within ourselves first.
Thank you for your quick reply. I completely agree with this. I have started the practices and am trying to better myself. How would I know when it’s working? What are the signs I’m doing it right?
I have also noticed that a lot of the information out there is centered around the male psyche. As a woman, would the same practices apply to me? Would I need to change anything? I am relatively new to shadow work but it is very interesting to me and I’m excited to learn more. Your hard work and dedication to helping others improve and maintaining this blog is much appreciated. Thanks.
This is a deep topic. If you’re serious about pursuing this kind of inner work you can only go so far with free articles online. Certainly, there are differences between the masculine and feminine psyche. And the challenge is that we each have both of them.
I do offer a hands-on training program called Shadow Training. It’s not open for enrollment at the moment, but if you’re subscribed to my list, you’ll receive a notification when it is.
There are many signs of progress. One notable one is that you’ll observe a reduction in judgment toward others because you’ll begin to see yourself in everyone.
I understand. Thank you.
Thank you so much, this article is great! it’s an answer i’ve been looking for so long. I’m deffenetely gonna read “Inner gold” book, thank u
You’re welcome, Sofia.
Hey Scott,
Thanks a lot for the article! All a
of your articles are really great and bring a lot of insight!!
For the past 10 years I have been practicing self-awareness. Starting with body awareness and for the second part practicing the awareness triangle between body mind and soul.
It is a wild and very gratifying journey to be on.
I do have a question in regards to strengthening the inner gold.
I believe that I have come to see and feel what my inner gold is about as well as the shadow/s that seem like blocks I need to overcome for my abilities to flow and shine.
I go back and forth between confidence and insecurity, which I guess is part of the journey, but really exausting at times.
My question to you is, what were the first signs you felt in your being or in your body when you felt your inner gold being able to flow with ease and what did you do to overcome your shadow /blocks?
The practice you shared to strengthen the inner gold muscle seems great by the way and I will try it out.
Sending much love
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
First, to clarify, you don’t “strengthen” your inner gold as much as you just relocate it back inside of you.
One of the first things you’ll notice is that you’ll have more trust in yourself. And as such, the drive to seek life’s answers in others gets weaker.
This doesn’t mean that you won’t seek outside information, but you’ll be lead by an internal directive to seek things out and then verify it within yourself.
The polarity of confidence and insecurity lessens as you can accept when you’re feeling insecure (because you understand why it’s happening) and you no longer seek confidence. That is, with more rooting in yourself, you just feel more okay and less “one-sided.”
Very well put (as usual), thanks for the clarity!!
This is fantastic! Actually clicking the “additional info” links the entire site is very well written and explained. Thank you for sharing this. It must have taken a lot of time create such wonderful free content.
You’re welcome, Katie.
I spent the last few days exploring my shadow. I wrote a long, vulnerable piece and at the end realized that I had only addressed part of my shadow. The dark part. I instinctively knew that my work was incomplete, but could not make sense of the maelstrom of confusion that set in when I tried to go deeper. Your work here has given me the insights I need to finish my work. Although, it’s never finished, is it? I’m a 3 time suicide survivor whos been dealing with depression for 45 years. I began my recovery with inner child work. This is now evolving into a deep dive into my shadow. This has been an incredible process, and I’m thoroughly awash in gratitude. Thanks for helping me go a little deeper.
Just to clarify, Jim: exploring your shadow isn’t a process that takes a few days. It takes months and years of careful examination.
Once you understand the principles involved, you’ll have new opportunities to examine your shadow on an almost daily basis — based on your judgments, emotional triggers, and interactions with others.
The timing of this article was synchronistic, thank you!
I found that really great and problem solving, empowering… keep it up
Scott, your profound knowledge about yourself., is just too immense. I would love to meet you in person one day too. Looking forward for any program that you have designed for people who would want to alivate their mind.
Thank you for the kind words, Alee.
Hi
This is interesting about Vampirism and projections, how ever I’m still wondering if its all real, I have read this over a few times and I still don’t understand about projections, and taking back your energy, don’t you have to know what your projecting, what if you don’t know how your coming across to people or how others view you?
.
How much do you charge for basic personal advice, or suggestions {nothing major, personal. }
Thanks
Hi SazM,
“don’t you have to know what you’re projecting”
Yes, you do. And that’s a function of increasing your consciousness which is the result of internal observation, self-reflection, and other forms of inner work.
“How much do you charge for basic personal advice, or suggestions {nothing major, personal.”
I’m not available for one-on-one consultations on personal matters.
Hi
Thanks for replying, Ok, no worries.
About projections, could projections be about opposites? For example, if someone has a life where they are projecting lack of money, friends, poor health, and around them is people that are projecting good wealth, friends, good health, then surely the people that are living a better life would not want to be poor, have zero friends and poor health, then how can people steal your light if you project that you live in lack for there wouldn’t be nothing to take?
It doesn’t sound like you’re understanding the concept of projection. It’s a psychological principle. You don’t “project a lack of money, friends or poor health.” So I don’t really understand what you’re trying to ask.
Yes, I did say initially, I don’t fully understand it all. I thought projection was like inner thoughts.
I was trying to understand if other people can project their thoughts to a point where you can literally think low of yourself. {ie, to be poor, to not succeed in life, etc.}
Thanks
No, projection is not like inner thoughts. It may be useful for you to read the guide again.
You don’t “project your thoughts.”
To use money as an illustration:
If you look at someone you know who has more money than you and you think to yourself something like, “Wow, they are so amazing and successful. I could never do what they do.”
That would be an example of projection. You would be “looking up” to this person — being in awe of them, while belittling your own capacities.
Hi.
I think I now understand that you can look at someone with awe and think you can not be like them etc.
Now what I’m trying to understand is can we project or have a thought about someone that we know without saying anything to them and the other person takes on that thought?
For example say, you have someone around you that thinks your a loser but they would not directly say it to you.
I think you’re referring to telepathy or psychic abilities related to ESP.
Yes, these abilities do exist, but this is not related to psychological projection.
Hi
Again,
I’m getting some understanding, After reading through your article on Energy Vampires, that seems to resonate more with what I am trying to understand.
Thankyou.
Just wondering, wouldn’t CGJ call that ‘participation mystique’ ?
I don’t believe so. Participation mystique is more about becoming absorbed in a group experience where your personality gets immersed and lost in the experience. It’s a different concept.
Thanks Scott. PM (participation mystique) made me wonder a lot about the exchange between two (or more) interested parties. I did not realize it is well-defined. I guess I was led to believe that the thing mystique is beyond one’s understanding. Did you ever find reference to this being lost in a group ‘thing’ ?
Kind regards,
Leo.
Sure thing, Leo. If I recall correctly, Jung describes it “Man and His Symbols,” but it might have been “Psychological Types.” The process he described involved merging with the collective.
Awesome, thank you for sharing your understanding on such profound and life changing topics
Hi Scott,
In the section on reclaiming your inner gold, you mentioned that we should identify a person we admire or envy and think about what qualities we admire or envy about them. What if we admire or envy only their material success (good job, nice house, good relationship) and not necessarily their qualities?
Thanks,
Jay
Jay,
I’m not sure I understand your question. If you just envy what someone else has then that’s not psychological projection. This article is about how we project certain qualities onto other people.
I am really impressed with all of Scott’s writing. I find he clarifies complexity of psychological thinking and makes it very practical in terms of actions you can perform.
This was great but I didn’t see a part on when YOU are the target of others negative projections – what that means and how you deal, I think it may be/has been happening to me a lot.
People are eaither drawn to me or quietly despise me, slandering me behind my back….I meditate on this often and can’t fully grasp it. This is possibly projection, correct?
Most of us are in a perpetual state of projecting (“up” or “down”) onto others. This is because most people aren’t aware of the principle of projection and they aren’t doing inner work where you’re constantly recollecting your projections.
If you’re observing that many people are strongly repelled by you, it may be beneficial to examine yourself more closely. Chances are you’re putting out a kind of attitude that you’re not fully conscious of.
For example, you may be judging others very harshly but because you aren’t aware of it, it’s showing up on your face.
When one person reacts strongly it’s likely a function of that individual. But when you see a pattern repeat often with others, it’s a good sign that the issue is within yourself.
Scott, thank you for your generosity in providing so much excellent and helpful content on this important process. Karlicia
Sure thing, Karlicia.
An extremely interesting and beneficial article. Many thanks for providing it!
Thanks for the feedback, Ron.
Great stuff, Jeff. It gave me an expanded view on projection that I was not aware of, especially on my “inner gold” aspects.
Paul
Hi Scott, would what you write about here be the path to follow you talk about in 12th segment of a series you have on another website? Thank you for the enormous amount of research you have synthesized here and in your other publications!!!
Hi Tony,
Is there a specific aspect of that segment that you’re looking for more clarification on?
Because I have already written and published extensive guides (on this website) on many of the topics covered in that segment.
Hi Scott,
Thank you very much for taking the time to answer!
In the last two parts of the segment, “Go Deeper in Examining What You Are” and “Moving Toward the Center” you talk about what you think is the right path. Which of your guides would be the initial steps on this path? Thank you again!
Hi Tony,
First, to clarify, there’s no “right path.” The “pathless path” is just that: pathless.
The main idea is to get to know yourself first (on the personality level), which is done via inner work.
And then, you go beyond the personality by examining the nature of consciousness itself (which often requires the cultivation of the “observing mind” first).
You’ll find many guides related to the first part on this website:
https://scottjeffrey.com/guides/
For the latter part, see the works of Nisargadatta Maharaj and Ramana Maharshi. Or, Taoist texts like “The Secret of the Golden Flower” (translated by Thomas Cleary).
Thank you very much Scott! Wishing you all the best!!
Hello Scott.
Thankyou for these articles that you write.
I’m trying to understand this *projection* You say we’re always projecting, then what if for e.g, If, I’m working on improving my Life for the better, just focused on me for a change, but then as improvements begin to show, I’m met by some of those people who see my improvement but then do things or things happens that cause me to lose my focus, as I struggle to focus back, they seem to be now focused. In this scenario, where I believe all I want to do is improve my life, I’m puzzled asking myself, if I unconsciously projected any negative qualities on to them, the aftermath of it all is that, something is compelling me not to move on. If that is the case, any possibilities what I could be projecting,?
Adele,
What you’re describing isn’t really about projection.
When you begin to focus on yourself, you will be met with all kinds of obstacles — both internal and external. Maintaining your focus is a daily and sometimes hourly or moment-to-moment decision. You will likely get derailed often.
Sometimes, unconsciously, when we take on this task of “improvement” we unconsciously judge others around us who aren’t focused or trying to improve. That is, the decision to improve can lead to ego inflation (instead of seeing that you’re really just like those people not improving).
Alternatively, there’s a “crab in the bucket” phenomenon. A “set point” within groups within families, friends, and colleagues establishes a baseline. And when someone tries to climb out of the bucket (move above the baseline), another crab pulls them back down and tries to climb up at the same time.
This is one of the reasons why self-actualization is a solo journey and why Maslow found that self-actualizing people tend to be private.
Hello , Thankyou
I thought projection is that what you put out, not sure if I did unconsciously look at their life of not improving considering my Life was in a worse state.
The Crabs in the Barrel phenomena, could that be said for those who are on Self Actualization path? Then why do they pull others down, isn’t that a form of projection, negative thinking behaviour? like they don’t want you to succeed, if I give you my Gold, is that because youll have a better use for it, or do I see you as more valuable? I ask because I want to understand.
“I thought projection is that what you put out”
Please read the article again carefully.
“The Crabs in the Barrel phenomena, could that be said for those who are on Self Actualization path?”
Just because someone is in the process of self-actualizing doesn’t mean they are psychologically developed or self-contained. There are many different levels and stages. And the tensions caused by unmet basic level needs still exert themselves in most cases.
“like they don’t want you to succeed, if I give you my Gold, is that because youll have a better use for it, or do I see you as more valuable?”
No. It has nothing to do with that. It’s all happening mainly at an unconscious level. We are born into a world that’s predatorial by nature and driven by competition. Many people are willing to do ANYTHING to “succeed” as success is a dominant value in our current society.
Hi I’ve read the projection article a few times.
Maybe what I’m trying to understand doesn’t relate to *Projection* in that sense.
Basically, what I’m trying to understand is, *Why, as soon we start to change our life for the better, forces come along that strive to prevent us from changing, progressing, etc *Are some of us just here on this Earth so others could progress whilst we get down trodden.? How can we take our power back and keep it?
I don’t think what I want to know relates to Projection, but if you understand what I’m asking, if you have any knowledge or books you recommend that I could buy that could help me overcome those barriers, its very much appreciated.
Adele,
Many people assume that when you start to change your life, things will go smoothly. Why? Why would this be the case?
First, you’ve unconsciously conditioned yourself to be the way you are for many years. This fact alone should lead us to believe that change will take time and often be met with resistance.
Second, you’re moving into uncharted territory. Backsliding to the prior “set point” is normal.
“Are some of us just here on this Earth so others could progress whilst we get down trodden?”
This is just a limiting belief that will ensure that you continue to project your inner gold onto others.
“How can we take our power back and keep it?”
There’s no “magic formula” or one-time action. It’s daily decisions and daily (often small) actions.
Perhaps it would help you to review my guide on self-mastery so you can better familiarize yourself with the nature of equilibrium and Maslow’s explanation of our “drive for safety.”
https://scottjeffrey.com/self-mastery/
Also learn about the nature and limitations of willpower:
https://scottjeffrey.com/impulse-control/
Dear Scott, I was wondering how we work with the resistance that comes up, when we go through the 5 steps? I mean, there is a reason why we once cut off our qualities. It seems to me very simplified, to work towards our true potential like this, and completely ignore f.e. our Inner Critic attacking us with 1001 “valid” reasons why we should keep things as they are.. With kind regards, Sarah
Hi Sarah,
I address the topic of internal resistance here:
https://scottjeffrey.com/self-mastery/
However, regarding the “inner critic,” there’s a lot that can be said about it. You can use systems of internal dialogue like IFS (Internal Family Systems) to work with your “inner critic.”
But I found over the years, that these methods are time-consuming and cumbersome with varying results.
Instead, I suggest learning how to hold to your Center and simply observing these various inner voices. That is, instead of trying to refute a critical voice, simply observe it with naturality and move forward.
Thank you so much for this, it broke down the concept of projection for me like nothing so far has, it made it injestible for me, it made sense and I’m going to use it and share it. It’s Golden😊
Joyce
Glad to hear this guide brought clarity to you, Joyce.
I’m stoked to come across this article. Been projecting a long time. Am recollecting projections.
Absolutely love your writing Scott! Thank you
Thank you for the feedback, Tanya!
The one thing I’m confused with reclaiming or having a part of oneself from projecting is an example what if you’re irritated or bothered by racists, abusers, or predators ect? How does this mean that this quality is in me too if I’m irritated by it? This doesn’t make sense to me.
This is a perfect example of the shadow. Anyone who is irritated by a racist person hasn’t owned their own racism. Many people (especially those on the “left” of the political spectrum) have been conditioned to believe that racism is so wrong that you can’t even acknowledge their own racist thoughts. The truth is that we ALL have them! We all are racists with prejudices to varying degrees. Of course, this doesn’t mean we need to act on or amplify this racism (for example, with slogans like “disarm hate”.)
Ego confrontations like these are a vital component of getting to know your shadow. The same goes for the other two. We ALL have the propensity for being an abuser under the right conditions (set and setting) and I’ve never met someone who isn’t a predator. If you examine things closely, this entire place is predatorial in nature.
But again, this doesn’t mean we should “support” abusive or predatorial behavior in any way either. This is just about identifying the disowned qualities within ourselves.
Well I know we all project one way or another I seen it and I’ve done it and I understand your statement I suppose I should’ve specified more : for example racism in straight out ways like slurs towards people , history that happened like slavery and the horrible acts not specified and the holocaust and other types of racism in today’s world vague and not vague- if any person who is bothered or just simply don’t like people who act like that, the act itself or even if not bothered they can just not like people who act like that or acted those acts in the past, they’re basically bothered by their own fault?? If we look at hate crimes or even in my other example being more specific- child predators/ped**hiles and when we hear something about stuff that happened, seen it or even experienced it and we have a strong dislike or a rejective reaction to it that means that we have those same qualities inside of us? And suppressed? Or if we gain knowledge on the acts of serial kil*ers and we have the normal human reaction of disgust and despise that means we hate the acts inside our selves? I disagree with that, That’s what I meant initially. As well as abusers like domestic violence. I understood what you meant though by everyone is a predator or abuser in some way but specifically I meant that.. I believe projection goes partially in some aspects. And it is a cycle going back and forth until broken between people
I understand what you’re saying. And as I said, I’m not suggesting anyone should be accepting of these behavioral patterns. (This is important to point out because the “powers that be” are attempting to normalize many of the behaviors you outlined above.)
It’s a matter of degrees. But what you’ll find in the course of inner work is that the more you get to know your shadow (including the truly darker aspects of it), the less emotionally reactive and judgemental you are when you’re confronted with these headlines.
All of these behavioral patterns are associated with specific archetypes. These archetypes exist with the collective unconscious. And as such, they are potentialities within each of us — regardless of how much we might want to deny it. This doesn’t mean these behaviors will ever be actualized through your body-mind organism as your life script may not align with these patterns. That is, the conditions may never be present where these archetypes and their related behaviors will come into expression within your personal life experience.
Needed to find this today, appreciate it. The deep wounds to the soul come round again and again, and the best we can do is love ourselves more each time. MB
This is exactly what I’ve believed in all my life. Thankyou