Overcoming the Feedback Barrier
Feedback: People don’t like hearing about their flaws and most managers and business owners don’t like telling people about their flaws.
The human ego is fragile. It likes to think it’s perfect; it hates hearing that it’s not. How do you offer feedback in a way that others will be receptive to it?
Most managers and business owners use a combination of judgmental comments and personal criticism as their predominant mode of feedback. Judgment might take the form, “This report is terrible.” Personal criticism comes in the form of an attack, “You’re not good at this.” Obviously, these approaches are neither supportive nor helpful.
To overcome our innate resistance to feedback (even of the kinder, more gentle variety), the key is to help the person come to the necessary conclusions on his own and let him take ownership for improving his performance. The best way to do this is through the artful use of questions.
When you’re reviewing someone on a project, let’s say a proposal, you might ask, What’s the primary objective of the proposal? Follow-up questions might include,
- Do you feel this proposal has achieved this objective?
- Do you see places where the proposal may be improved?
- If there was a primary message that needed to be clarified, what might it be?
- What is the ideal response you’re looking for from this pitch?
- How else can you help ensure that it will receive that response?
This line of questioning allows the person to become aware of areas of improvement and take ownership for the changes.
A well-crafted question circumvents the ego’s defense system. Of course, your tone and intention in engaging in this style of dialogue is another important factor. If you come across as arrogant, all-knowing, and impatient, it doesn’t matter how well-crafted your questions are. If, however, you genuinely want to see the person succeed, he will intuit your intention and push for higher performance.
To overcome the feedback barrier: Don’t command, criticize, or give instructions. Compassion, not criticism reduces people’s ego defense systems. Ask questions with the intention of bringing out the best performance and best qualities in your people. If you do, everyone wins.
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